Last post for 2009.

Last day of the year, last post to sum up everything.

Since I started blogging in July 2008, I have written 152 entries (this included). It started as a curiousity, carried on due to persistence and passion and religiously updated as an outlet for frustrations or documentations of sorts. Reading some of the ramdom posts again brings back tinges of melancholy and refreshes momental state of minds. This blog has been a faithful companion thru my journey and the creation of every posts have been thoroughly enjoyed.

The Breguet Team had a end year dinner yesterday and made everyone participated in a 'round-table' speech, where we are to say our best moments in 2009. When it came to my turn, I was rather stumped. Becos seriously, 2009 hasn't been a fantastic year, with no memorable milestones to recollect. This sobering fact saddens me. It's like wasting a year of living, suspending my existence in the midst of happenings. Standing at the midpoint of Life, it can be liberating knowing it's 30 years after birth or depressing to realise it's 30yrs away from Death. Some life stories can filled chapters, while some struggled to contain pages. I hope mine is not the latter, as I embarked towards the finale. Living Life fully has finally stamped its mark in this slacker's head.

For pals with new members in the household/juz married/getting married/deciding to marry....ALL THE BEST TO YOU! For pals moving to a NEW career/house/love/location...ALL THE BEST TO YOU! For pals I have met/always meet/hardly meet now/never meet eversince....ALL THE BEST TO YOU!

*You know who you are, and you know I dun mince my words. SAm dun entertains people who he can't be bothered with. If I hate YOU, I show it. If I have no interest in hanging out with you, I show it. If I wan you outta my life, I SHOW IT. So if you fall into this category, FUCK YOU, Get a life in 2010!.....ok....Happy New year but still. Fuck you.


I have made some small resolutions and hope for big happenings. And maybe some unplanned surprises. 2010 promise much, so let's see where we will all be this time next year.

So that's about it, I guessed. Bye~2009, Halo~2010.

X'mas thru the eyes of a father.

The little gal was dressed in her pretty flocks. Her innocence and naivety was apparent in her rings around the Christmas tree, as she danced with wide-eyed delight. Such exuberance, such excitement!

'Jingle bells..jingle bells...jingle all the way..'

She danced and danced, caught in the frenzy of the festive mood, oblivious to the doting eyes of her watching father.

'Be careful, Baby!..Don't trip and fall!'

Her father was impassive to the occassion. It has been one Christmas too many, and how time had flown. But he was happy. Happy to see his beloved daughter caught up in the celebration, intrigued by the huge tree with shinning bulbs and glittering stars, just as he was when he was a little boy. In a quiet corner, he watched as his little one busked in the moment. Eyes following her routine, his heart leapt with her every steps, as his sight cherished the tiny figure singing the old, familiar Christmas song. His heart glowed and he let out a soft sigh of adoration.

She ran awhile more, slowed down and stopped. Perspirations lined her brows and she was breathing hard. She will dance again later, around the beautiful tree with beautiful stars. 'Why can't trees be like this everyday?' Christmas has no significance for her yet, but Christmas means beautiful trees with stars. She turned to her Daddy and accelerated into his direction, who is already waiting with open arms.

'Daddy! Daddy! Can we come here again next year?'

'Of course we can, Baby! As long as you want to!'

'I love you Daddy! Merry Christmas!'

'I love you too, Baby! And Merry Christmas to you!'

88 Keys and lost.

I always love the year end period. When the climate is cooler, wetter and less harsh on my already atrocious complexion. We dun have snow in SG, but we have rain. Plenty of it, esp this time of the year.

Juz like now, while I am half blogging, half smoking, and half playing the piano.

I am going to finish my year with a little more time for myself, with my PHs approved over the weekend. And I dun actually have any concrete plans coming up. But I like doing nothing sometimes and juz bum around, since it's becoming scarce having time to do nothing. I heard parties are being planned, mates are eager and gatherings are inminent. But I am not in the least excited by all that. A bottle of red, some fags with a couple of buds will do juz fine as well. I am biggest hater for plannings and spontaneity is the way for me any day.         

I have been playing so much piano, I wonder whether the persistent pain on my right pinkie is the aftermath of that. I definitely signing up for tat specialized piano course in Jan to improve my playing and hearing skills. It's really frustrating when I can't replicate the songs on the piano due to my playing limitations. Damnz! Those majors, minors and 7th chords are killing me, I can't staccato smoothly enuff to hear 2 perfect bars and I dun even know how many *black keys are there on the piano!!

(*There are 88 keys on a standard piano. 52 white keys, 36 black keys. I counted them thrice, juz to be sure.)

I am not looking to turn pro, but I think I have a responsibility to spare my neighbours any further torture. (No wonder my mum always hide in her room when I am playing...) At my current level, I am ashamed to tell anyone I play the piano. I hit more wrong notes than right ones in a piece, I can't do song requests and I always play in one style. Until I get my foundation right again, playing jazz and mprovisations can only happen in my dream. So...practice, Practice and more PRACTICE!!

They said virtusos are either child prodigies or gifted peeps, like Beethoven, Mozart, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder. I think I muz either be blind or die young to have half a chance. Bleah.

Doing things on my own.

My buds had a swell saturday night, being merry and hanging out. I was alone at home.

Nope I wasn't bothered. In fact I took the time to write another song again! It's wasn't becos I was not invited or intentionally being left out. I juz dun hang out that often anymore, around alot of frens. My circle got smaller and my social activites got simpler. Thanx to the conversation with Yang moments ago (before I decided to post this), I realised there is this new found strength and desire to get on with Life on my own. I am not whinning as much about being alone like before, I am looking forward to fulfilling my plans for 2010. In a nutshell, I dun make plans for/with anyone else anymore.

The start of an event is always becos of someone's agenda or priority. Those who shared the same interest or agenda then join in to do it together. The rest will juz make up the numbers. Many a times, I am one of the headcounts...well, maybe sometimes I share the common passion. Very seldom did the event occur becoz it's ME who want to do it. There is nothing wrong or bad in such social setups. But there is definitely a difference. When it's your own agenda and you fulfill it, something is done or achieved. For those making up the numbers, it's juz another occasion. And I wonder what I could have been doing for myself all this while, instead of living others' occasions.

I never know what I wanna do, what I can do or what I can look forward to. It's always this person's event, that person's plan. Instead of wasting time doing what others wanna do, I could have spend more time for myself. There ARE things I wanna do, places I wanna go, and plans I love to start on. If others wanna join me, hey I am cool! If not, my Life shouldn't come to a standstill either. Everyone have their own lifes, I should live mine too. Why should we shortchange ourselves juz becos no one share our passions/interests/plannings?

I am so looking forward to 2010! The thought of all the stuffs I will try to do is already making me excited. Nothing much to shout about though, but somehow knowing that I will try to do things with/for myself makes me happy. And being happy makes me wanna do more for myself! What a positive chain of thoughts, isn't it? *smile*

I am NOT trying to be a hermit or anti-social. I juz dun wanna to be another number, but I won't stop you being mine. Hah.

Back

So I am back at work in SG.

The same stinky feeling of dread crept in when I set foot into the store this morning. Good times REALLY dun last and I hope it will not be long before my next trip outta here.

Still, I am glad to be home.

I missed my mum, (her), buddies and bed. Nothing beats the familiar smell of my sheets and my beloved pillow caressing my aching neck. 12 days of sleep in a foreign bed took it's toil on my ageing body, I woke up with a nagging backache and sore neck everyday. But then, work in Starhill is like 5 mins walk away from the hotel. Discounting the same spread for breakfast everyday and some irritating characters, this KL trip had been largely enjoyable compared to last year.

I caught up with old frens and met new ones. The hospitality and warmth extended to me from the Omega mates...the familiar banterings and nonsensical antics failed to remind me that it was actually a year ago we last met. Everything looks the same, everyone is still how I last saw them. In a matter of hours, I eased right into their lifes and we worked and played as if I have never been away. I really appreciate the entire majority of the Omega pals for making this stay such a fun-filled one! (Thanx peeps!)

I met Jeslin again, it's nice to see her after a year. It felt more 'proper' calling her a bud now. Prior to this, we only met once and chatted mostly on MSN. So many ppl started asking me about her after I posted her pics on FB...damnz! 1. No, we DUN fancy each other. 2. We are good frens 3. She is single 4. No! I won't pass YOU her contacts.

I befriended this young talented boy, Aaron, while manning the booth in Starhill. He was the pianist for the VIP lounge and my! He has got amazingly quick fingers and a great repertoire of songs! His improvisations for those famous melodies are very jazz-inspired, and there is so much soul in his tinkerings. The maturity in his renditions really belittles his tender age of 20. And he makes playing piano sexy~. But wait till you read his blog; this boy is seriously expressive! The manner he structures his thoughts and articulate them into words, gives so much visuals to his views and emotions. He is a wonderful writer, a multi-instrumentalist and a charismatic budding composer. If he is to make it BIG one day, you hear it from me first! Such talents, such potential for greatness...keep it going! Aaron boy! I am already a fan!

A special mention to Abang Azmi, who care and treated me like family. He is always ever-ready to help. He proves that real friendship supersedes race, religion and nationality. Let's see if I can join him in March for the Tioman trip!

Halfway thru this post, I actually dozed off alit and lost sense of what I was writing. So...there u go, this is my working life in SG. *yawnnnnn* Another hour to go. Till then.

Malaysia 2009

'Malaysia...Truly Asia~....'

Heard this rhyming slogan on the TV while surfing net in the hotel room. Very catchy, rolled off your tongue effortlessly. I wonder if Singapore has her own catchy slogan...Singapore~...Very....... Hor? (Fill in your own word ba! I have too much choices to type here!)

Yang said KL is a fucked-up place, and maybe it's good for fucked-up peeps like me. Hah. Other than work stuffs, I am enjoying my time here. Maybe like what Yang said, I haben stay long enough to feel the 'full' experience. Well...so haben you bro! Anyway I have seen enough to give it a shot if given a chance.

To sum up in 2 words, the exhibition is a 'successful failure'. I basically do the same thing for work here juz as in Singapore. Sit, read, eat, shit, smoke. Put that on loop for 10 cycles and it's almost time to end the day. Thanks to the eye candies and mates to make each day tolerable, this second coming has much quirky tales to share with mates back home. 4 days left and counting, I kinda miss here already.

Later mates~, saya adalah akan pulang tidak lama lagi *smile*

*woof *woof

I am a dog.

Today is the only 3rd day of work in KL, and my body is already screaming in protest. Aching toes, back, shoulders...and there is still 8 days to go. KNNZ. Wakie at 8 a.m., finishes at 10 p.m. I fucking work like a dog.

Thankfully, everything else about KL is wonderful. Food is cheap, pace is slow, warm and friendly ppl...other than the atrocious traffic, I can see myself settling here for good. There is simply no difference between weekdays and weekends, ppl are always in the streets. Full of life, full of energy. Cool!

(What's so bad about KL, Mr. Yap? *smile)

Maybe Fabian can feel this dog is growling already. He had been buying me dinner and drinks for 3 nites in a row. And I will go back late, sleep late and be tired the next day. Fucking tummy is slowly increasing in size too.

*Grrrrrrrrrrr

Inhibitions

Being yourself can be so difficult sometimes.

People judged you. People misunderstood you. People critized you.

I lost a buddy today. Maybe he was juz being himself and I judged him. Maybe he disappoints too much. Maybe I lost all tolerance for him. He gave up the friendship and I have to comply. Maybe I feel he is not worth savaging anymore. Anyway, all the best to you, Nic.

I dun think we ever wanna be alone, no matter how different everyone of us are, no matter whether u like the differences or not. I tried and hates being alone. What's the reason of existence anymore, if it's only you and yourself? So we alter, we change, we make ourselves to become what others would love us to be. So that we won't be alone. So that people likes you. You are not the fucker people detest. You are not the fucker people wag behind your back. You are not the fucker people try to avoid.

None of us are perfect.

It's so easy to victimise one, the worse of the lot, the scorn of the gang and make him the butt of jokes, the highlight of topics. Just because his mistakes are more obvious. Just because he is less than accomodating. Just because he has been quiet. Just because our own flaws haben been found out yet. Imagine the day when everything you do is deemed unacceptable by the gang. Nothing you do is right. You become the outcast. The exiled. Have you become a fucker too?

Hell no. You are just in the wrong company.

For everyone who hates you out there, there is someone who likes you juz as much. For being your fucking self. No one is totally right and you are not totally wrong. If all of us were to be stripped naked of inhibitions and juz express ourselves freely, trust me...everyone will be showing everyone the middle finger.

Incubus.

9:38 p.m.


I glanced at the digital clock on the dashboard as we were chatting. Fabian was picking up Nat from the airport. Slow and busy traffic agitated him. He was running slightly late. When the road opened up, he floored the accelerator and sped. We came to a red light at a junction near/in Changi. Some idiotic van driver cut across his lane to turn left, while on the middle lane. It was close. Fabian cursed in hokkien (he's french) and took off. I thought he seemed angry while negotiating the tight bend. I thought we were drifting. I thought I was getting closer to the pavement.

Fabian understeered and the white Hyundai Tuson mounted the kerb. I briefly saw this young gal juz managing to avoid us on the side road, while waiting to jaywalk across. I saw her fell, as a Yellow cab flew pass and crashed into the lamp post infront of us. A black Mercs ploughed  into the cab's rear. The 3rd car tried to avoid the gal but in vain, it's rear left wheel hitted her left shoulder. She was still sprawling when I saw her shoulder ball being pushed into her body and an awkward protusion appeared on her back. She became motionless. I heard more shattering noises behind and loud bangs.

In less than 3secs after the kerb-mounting, a whole series of events exploded around me. Fabian juz caused a chain collision. The silence was eerie. 10 secs after the accident, the world seemed to have stopped. Head throbbing and heart racing, I released my seat belt and stepped outside. The visual shocked me. Noises started flooding my ears and I heard cries. Cries of pain, cries for help, cries of despair. There must be like 8 cars in the chain collision, with 2 motorbikes...all compromised in different positions. The 4th car is smashed beyond recognition...it's driver slumped over the steering. One bike broke into a few pieces. One car went into a tree truck. Some passengers must have fallen out from the 5th lorry. I saw twisted limbs. Bloodstains. Trapped drivers. Still bodies. And the right side of a toddler's shoes.

'...Putain de merde...' 

I turned and saw that Fabian was alrite. Sirens pierced our numbness. In a flash, medical workers appeared to assist victims, 2 civil-defense guys tried to pry open the door of the 4th car. Police officers started cordoning off the area. It was chaotic. One officer asked out loud for the owner of the white Hyundai. Then I remembered we had 2 pints of beer before the journey started. Fuck.

I opened my eyes to the soft hummings of my air-con. It was a terrible nightmare. So fucking vivid.



I can still feel the young gal staring at me.

Smoked me.

I would believe I am not a quitter. No matter how tough the preposition, I will always try and try till I get it. The only problem is...I haben really been trying alot of things to verify my claim.

I am lazy. So lazy that the mind always convince the body no particular thing is really worth trying. I wonder if life could have been any different now, if I had persisted with some of the more 'cause-worthy' pursuits. This apathetic mentality definitely have to be corrected if I dream of bigger success in life. For a start, to prove that I am not a quitter, I decided to quit smoking yesterday (pun not intended!).


But only for a good 10 hrs, 34 mins and 08 secs.


I drawn my next puff this morning. Life was simply beautiful, with dancing smoke caressing my lungs. 'Puufffff...hmm...relaxing...!!' Then the consciousness hit me. Fuck! I am a bloody quitter!! Discounting the fact that I was in a state of semi-consciousnesss for a good part of the 10 hrs, I only stayed smoke-free for like wat...only 2 hrs?? Shit.

Good sam : 'It's ok...u can always try again!!'

Bad sam   : 'Brudder!! Life is short mah! And we all die anyway ler!!'


Counting an average of 12 sticks a day, for the past 20 years (I started my virgin puff at 10 yrs O...), I have 'devoured' 86,400 ciggies already. Holy shit!! And this is juz a conservative figure! My lungs have their lifespans too, and I sorta freaked out a lit thinking what will be the final cut-off number. Or date. Suddenly I have this realisation; 'No wonder the models from ciggies' adverts are always young dudes or babes...'

None live long enough into their forties to do another.

I am 9 yrs away from 40, and at the rate I am smoking, Death might juz creep up faster than I tot. One fine day, I am going to pay for this harmful indulgence. Fuck, maybe it's already too late.

Better smoke more then. ~Kidding la.

MCP.

This abbreviation resonates with females, associated with males, endorsed by the male sexists, condemned by the feminists.

Male Chauvinist Pig
- a term used in the 1960s among feminists for men, usually with some power, who believed that men were superior and expressed that opinion freely in word and action.

- a man who is perceived as approving of an inferior status for women in society: a disparaging term.


Firstly, I need to reinstate that I DO NOT advocate Male chauvinism. In the event that I ever acted like one, it's only because the woman behaves like a feminist. What I am trying to explain here, is about having a balanced demeanor, towards each other. Ladies...You wanna be treated with equality and respect, yet expect him to stand up for you, lean on his shoulder, flush clogged pipes and change bulbs? Be a *smart woman. Being 'soft' isn't being weak. Men have huge egos that vapourise at the lightest of a woman's coos. Why try to be the man in the relationship? Men definitely dun wanna feel like they are humping another man...

*smart doesn't mean earning lots, behaving like a smart ass and making yr man looks hen-pecked.

I say, let the man be a man.

I believed Men generally appreciate and embrace the evolution of the modern woman. I dun mind my other half earning more than I do, I definitely dun mind doing household chores. I love my woman to be of equal standing, has a mind of her own, engage me in ocassional intellectual banterings, and holds herself well in the company of family and frens. She will always be my queen. Not king, but queen. We can't have 2 kings, can we?

I know there are some jackasses out there who think the world of their own masculinities. They view women as objects of desire, sex slaves, part-time maids to worse terms that I shall not mention. But dun let a few black sheeps stereotyped the whole flock. There are some males out there who love and treat their mates with respect. Likewise, there are also women who like bullying their men into submission. They want to dictate everything, makes their men do their biddings, control how much they spend, where they go, who to hang out with...heck! Some even blackmailed them with the lure of sex!! Why can't we work in unison and perform our primary roles instead? You and me are man and woman first, then other secondary duties. Be it whoever is a big shot, small shot, hot shot in your respective capacities, you dun bring that identities back to each other. We are a couple and we will take each other for what we are. You dun wan a Mike Tyson in your relationship, I dun need a 武则天 in mine too.

For whatever misgivings some of my buddies had affirmly and wrongly accused me of, I am NOT an MCP and I do want a real, out and out, confident feminine form to be in love with any day. I might be loud, short-fused and opinionated, but I am not ridiculous or a double-standards bearer! We will adhere to the same set of rules and love each other on a level-playing field.

Juz dun try to wear my pants, ok?


It seems to me that a mutually beneficial relationship between a man and woman requires the man to be dominant. A sensible woman will allow the man to think he is.'

~Beryl Bainbridge'

If Pigs can fly.

If Pigs can fly...

I would be young,
I would be rich!
I would build stairways so high,
stars within my reach!

I would be bold,
I would have wings!
Be merry up in Heaven,
where angels sing!

But pigs don't fly,
they never will,
as fools will always be fools

Cos if they do,
(without redbulls!)
then all cows can sing too!



Pardon the pigs and cows, I just wanna be a little silly here. The incessant raining muz have gotten to me, making me drowsy and bored. Such wonderful weather have to be fully appreciated IN BED and not in the office. My bloody fone haben ring all day. Proxy-enabled server where FB, twitter, and MSN are blocked. No visits from any human forms in the boutique. FUcked. I feel like I am serving time. In a bloody suit.

I yawned 6 times in the past 2 mins and I am trying to keep myself awake. By blogging. I not a pig lover, and pork is my least preferred meat. I tot by writing about something unreal can make my imagination comes alive.

Nope, it didn't and I am tired as ever.

Then an amusing thought struck me. The day pigs really start flying...we would be thankful if we are hit by birds' poo. Imagine getting hit by a really big pig's dump. Eww.

Mood refreshed.

Q : Do you wat is Sam's fav food?
A : Err...pocked-chop?


I tried to start this post with a witty joke but if you didn't get it, too bad. (Ok..maybe U hav to see me in person to appreciate this self-deprecating joke. I have pockmarks which can fracture a mosquito's legs. I am Serious.)

After 3 days of excruciating toture and absolute boredom, the virus is clearing and I am feeling lots better. Less the blocked nose. I am dying for a KTV session, 3 pints of beer and a lung-bursting run. Maybe with adequate rest, my mood did brightened up a little. Or maybe it's the cough syrup. Whatever it is, this fool is good for another bout of fight till the next mood swing strikes again.

I realised when you dwell too long on the sticky situations in Life, you fuck yrself up. Either resolve it or leave it, but never, never sits on it. It is detrimental to one's physical, mental and emotional health. Once you allow yrself to hang around too long, you get suck into it and  frustrations manifest. It's a vicious cycle; the angrier you are, the harder it is to break free. Pessimism sets in and depression hits you. Which MIGHT eventually leads to suicidal thoughts and even...Death.

I am thankful that my upbringing and school of thoughts casted a safety net of caution before I dive too low to recover. I am constantly amazed by this inner strength of self-reasoning, and logical sense always prevails. I might free-fall and hit rock bottom, but my net will bounces me back up just before breaking point. Maybe one day this net might tears but till then, I am still in one lumpy piece. ;)

I know Sam is such a whinner at times. But the day Sam stops whinning, is when he gives up on Life. To those who consoled, shared, advised and gave their time to me, thanx a mil!! All haben been futile. I might not have responded postively but I am listening. And I will learn. Pardon my fiery temperaments and nonsensical rantings, for I can be such a joy to be around with too. I know you guys heart me as much as I heart you!

'I am lonely, broke, sad and fat!
Then again, who isn't? At least one of tat!
Still, I get my mama's pat,
while those buds will watch my back!'

Rebooted and running on safe mode.  Tomorrow will be a better day *smile*

Stupid is what stupid does.

I am so sick. And I deserved it.

It's really stupid to abuse my own health. And I dun even know for wat. Drank like silly, smoked like silly and feeling really silly now. God. I feel so awful. Fucked. Blocked nose, blocked ears, blocked throat and a blockhead. Why do I even bother? Now who bother about me? Silly silly sam. SIgh.SOb.*cough cough...

Bloody year is ending. Wat a lousy 2009! Definitely a year to be forgotton!

~Sam

'I want to clear those debts. Buy a car. Be independent. Do music. My life will NOT be revolving peeps who are there only when they are lonely. Fucked. Do lonely people also flocked together like birds do? I dun wanna to listen to anymore cock and bull stories, and I dun need to tell others mine too. I dun wanna feel upset for issues, people, situations that don't concern me!!!...'  ~ Bad Sam

I will be alone. On my own. Listen to my inner voices and I will be so fucked. ~ Sam

Narrator ~ This is what happens everyday. Good Sam and Bad Sam will be quarrelling with each other. Sometimes Bad Sam is on MC and there will be inner peace. But never for too long. GS is too idealistic and BS is too frustrated. Sam is perpectually upset and BS will rub it in, manifesting every little single things. GS needs reinforcements. His influence is depleting real fast. But how? GS can't perk Sam up, and Sam is sinking.
                   ...........................................................................................................................

'How? How? How?'
GS rolled up his sleeves. He is going to face this. Head on.

GS : '..hi..

BS glanced and turned away.

GS : '...HI..EXcuse me..'

BS : ' ..ya SIMI???..'

GS : ' well..regarding Sam, do you think ..?'

BS : 'Why wHY WHY??? U HAV PROB AH??'

GS : 'Erm..no..but u know he has been abusing himself and the last thing WE want is for him to..'

BS : 'TO TO TO!! U scare he will die ah?? KNN!! AND WAT SO GREAT ABOUT LIVING ANYWAY??? I DIDN'T FORCE HIM WAT, I ONLY TOLD HIM LIFE SIBEY SUX THAT'S ALL!!'

GS : '..I am not blaming you or Sam. er..I mean..I know he is having some dificulties sorting out stuffs..but it's getting way too..too..'

BS : 'TOO TOO! TOO TOO! U THINK HP RING TONE AH?? KNN TO U LAH! YOU DUN COME AND TOO TOO HERE OR TOO TOO THERE WITH ME OK!! IF U CAN HELP HIM, WHY DIDN'T U?? CB!! U THINK I ALSO VERY HAPPY MEH?? AT LEAST LIM PEK TELL HIM MY OPINIONS, NOT LIKE YOU!! SIMI LIFE WILL BE BETTER LA, CHEER UP LA...FUCKING WASTE OF TIME!! ISN'T HE HAPPIER NOW LOSING HIMSELF AND LETTING GO??'

GS : '.well..I dun think he is any happier ..infact he look like he is going bonkers anytime. Very unstable and unpredictable now...like a volcano waiting to erupt..I think we better...'

BS : 'U BETTER DUN TINK, LET ME TEL U!! HE DUN ERUPT, LIM PEK ALSO WILL ERUPT. KNN!! TOK SO MUCH KOK IN THE END ALSO JUZ TOK AND TOK!! CAN'T U SEE SAM BERY TULAN U OREDI MEH?? WAT LOVE, HOPE AND FAITH..KNN LIM PEK PUI!!! PLS LAH OK..DUN TELL HIM FAKE TINGS AND AFFECT HIS BRAIN OK!! U OREDI SAY UNTABLE STILL WAN TO KA JIAO HIM, KNN!! LATER HE REALI GO AND DIE, YOU AND I ALSO JIALAT!!

GS : 'But I can feel he is reaching out for help...I can see he wants to be happy..'

BS : 'hOW U SEE??'

GS : 'Just listen. Listen to him...'

BS : ' I DUN HEAR ANYTHING LER...'

GS : 'You have to feel it brother...you also have too much angst within..just let go...surely this is not what you really want to be?'

BS : 'KNN! IF EVERYTHING SOON SOON, LIM PEK MA MAI ANGRY, TIO BOH??

GS : 'Ok..then what exactly are you upset about?'

BS : 'WA MM JAI'

GS : ' You Dunno?'

BS : 'Ya..'

GS : 'And you get so frustrated but yet you dunno??'

BS : 'Yalah. I am juz tulan la.'

GS : 'With?'

BS : 'Myshelf la.'

Silence. *Deep Breath*

GS : 'Okay..can we have an agreement?'

BS : 'Wat?'

GS : 'Can You do some damage control?'

BS : 'Like how?'

GS : 'Like letting me tell him how he is blessed to hav his mum and his 2 siblings loving him, how he is gifted in other areas and...'

BS : 'Wa..knn..U like asking a lot wor..'

GS : 'But you dun wan him to die rite?'

BS : 'Of coz mai!!'

GS : 'GOod. Then do it for Sam. Let us do it for SAM.'

BS : 'Like tat can meh?'

GS : 'No harm trying brother!' *smile*

BS : 'Ok lor...Steadee! Dun say I no give face!'

GS : 'GOOD! End of the day, you also dun wanna be labeled 'Bad Sam', rite?

BS : 'KNN! Then U oredi called 'GOOD SAM' liao, lim pek also boh pian mah..'

GS : 'Well...there's always other names u can use..'

BS : 'Simi simi???'

GS : 'wa ma mm jai...'

BS : 'KNN!!'


to be continued...

A beautiful mind.

'What was he thinking?'
'IS he implying something...?'
'Why did she do that?'
'..that look/smile/posture....?'
'What does she means?'
'...maybe I think too much...did I?'

Sounds familiar?

I wish I am a mind-reader. To establish inferences in the absence of substantial evidences, hidden motives and intented misleads is a critical human skill.

'Mind reading enables us to negotiate, compete, cooperate, and achieve emotional closeness with others. It lets us figure out when we're being manipulated or seduced. It's how we know when someone finds our jokes hilarious or is humoring us out of politeness. Mind-reading ability is perhaps the most urgent element of social intelligence.'  - Psychology Today

Some do it better than others but none will ever achieve a 100% 'empathic accuracy'. Who wants to be read like an open book? I choose the people I wanna open up to, I withhold certain emotions and thoughts to negotiate a leverage. I am not lying, only concealing. Sometimes even with closed ones. For everyone of us, our minds are either our foremost of motives or our last line of defence. I am exasperated at times, second-guessing others' intentions. The play on possibilities within one's head is mind-boggling, and causes many hair-tugging moments. Then again, this beautiful gift could be double-edged. Imagine having the power to know everybody's mind. Including the strangers on the street. I dun think I am ready for tat. From '..this guy is quite cute..', to '...eewww look at his pockmarked complexion!!!..' You cannot filter or control the things you can 'read'...and I haben even go into more explicit or degrading remarks yet. I definitely dun wan to be told I am ugly 10 times a day.

Maybe better logical sense should prevail instead, and allow us to be guided by better morals, integrity and rationale. My ex-commander used to tell us, if one guy thinks tat u are a bastard, maybe it's personal. But when the whole platoon thinks u ARe a bastard, most likely u are. *A special mention for Mr. M here. Though he took abit longer than usual, he finally agreed to snip his ugly, frizzly, rebonded hair after much prompting from his buddies. Hey Mr. M! Cut or no cut, we still love u. But thanks for making the job easier! :-)

Since I can't read minds, I should juz mind my own business. End of the day, we are all entitled to our own opinions and until he/she chooses to divulge, keep guessing! Some people are just that little harder to read. Maybe they r lost in 2 minds? Maybe they have an intent in mind? Or maybe they mind?

Heh. I hope you dun mind.

About Love.

*sidetracked* I came across this interesting term 'Limerence' coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov. And I wonder how many of us are like that.

Love has became a loosely-affirmed word for anything or everything that invokes any sense of liking, to the extent that when we DO love, we have to emphasize our love with additional words like ' I REALLY love him!..' , '...do you love her SERIOUSLY?...' and '..I think I have found my TRUE love!' So when is love fake then? Who is faking love?

My mentor once said, ' Love is love. Just that.'

Could it be the lack of confidence, uncertainty or dishonesty in Love,  that make one needs to reinforce his/her love with such verbal proclaimation?

Love shouldn't even be spoken. I dun start loving someone juz becos she says 'I love u' many times. (this dun applies if you are jessica alba, angelina jolie, jennifer aniston ..etc..) Love is an act of bonding, a display of affection and a concern for each other's well-being. It is best felt, not said. It might be subtle but the traces are there. Feel it. Sweet nothings are juz the dessert, actions ARE the main course. If words do matter so much, Shakespeare would have been one of the biggest lover of all time. (Hmm. But then again he is ugly so...)

I have absolutely nothing against people who lovessss peppering their declaration of love with words that contrived to convince. Heck, I am also a culprit! Like when S told me he REALLY loves J, I believed him. I m SERIOUS. Really.


Cos he said the same thing for the last one too.



'Where Love is spoken, it's uncomfirmed.
When Love is given, it's affirmed.' ~ Sam G

Dun phunk with my heart.

We were all young and bold once, and we couldn't care hoots about consequences. I miss those days. Misdeeds are mostly forgiven, heartbreaks easily forgotten. Love and friendships come as quickly as they go.

Age made a wiser me. It sharpened my judgements, mellowed my temperament, hardened my heart and took away my balls. Life is such, it never comes in a complete package (...at least balls are still intact). The change in basics of my physical attributes and personality traits make me a different man, but not necessarily a better man. According to current research, the real you is ever-evolving. Not only will we see a difference on our 'outsides' (beer bellies, sagging breasts, rebonded receding hairlines etc. etc.), our 'insides' are constantly changing too.

No wonder sometimes, I dunno who or what I am.

Those days of being wild are over. Fatigue is a normality, with darker eye rings and expanding waistline. Getting a second glance is a privilege, teenagers addressing you as 'Uncle/Aunty' is a norm and married frens are slowly catching up with single ones. Only my dear Mama still think I am a kid. I behave better (some will not think so...), more composed, more cynical and less idealistic, less trying.

Still, there is a child in all of us...that little corner where we always believe in dreams, love and hope. I might not love with abundance anymore, but I craved to be loved juz as much. Love me for what I am, love me for what I am not.

If not, leave me alone.

Mama & me

My mum always think I am the smartest kid in the family. The laziest, but also the smartest. You know mum being mum la, she would have think tat I am more handsome than Andy Lau...(ok, ok my mum is not blind)

When I played my first tv jingle on the little Casio keyboard at 3 yrs O, my mum tot I was a music prodigy. A quick enrollment to Yamaha followed and few sessions later, I dropped out of the course. When I drew the first Transformers character, she tot I was a budding Picasso in the making. I was enrolled and I dropped out too. Computer course...enrolled and dropped out. Swimming...enrolled and dropped out. Piano lessons...enrolled and dropped out....and again... and again...

As you can see, it became a routine and formed the blueprint for the first 20 yrs of my life. I was in and out for a few more various courses until my mum realised, I am TOO old to be a prodigy. My younger brother of 7 yrs difference took over that role shortly after. To justify her decision, I even dropped out of school.

To be fair, I never did too badly in all those pursuits. I juz never excelled. Good enough, but not the best. Maybe I never lasted long enough to master any of those. On 2nd tots, it seemed I never last long enough in anything. Always a Jack, master of none. Is there anything I wanted so badly before that I will trade in a limb or leg for it? Well...I would love to do music as a career, relocate to Taiwan, marry a woman who loves me wholeheartedly and bear me 2 beautiful daughters...erm, think I will need more than one limb for all these.

Though I am no high-flying yuppie with all the Cs, I haben fared too badly I guessed. I have a decent job which pays me decent dough to sustain a carefree lifestyle. But this is not what I desire. And everyday I wonder why am I still doing what I am doing. Too much thoughts and no actions. The mileage I clock from thinking, I think I can fly to the moon already.

Sometimes I wish I hav a lit more sense of urgency, maybe I can achieve so much more. I am juz never too bothered. The only 2 times I snap into action is when I need my ciggies or when I need to shit. Damnz. Procrastination is not only a thief of Time...it's my best fren. This world is complicated manz. Some wise man said 'If it's meant to be, it will be'....the next moment it's 'U r what U wanna be'. I am confused.

Sigh. Hoped my mama dun die too soon, so that I can always be more handsome than Andy Lau. Ha.

Changes

Q : What's worse than eating shit?
A : To eat it another time.


'There's nothing that is a more certain sign of insanity than to do the same thing over and over and expect the results to be different' ~ Albert Einstein


I know Mr. Einstein is more refined here with his wonderful quote. I am juz trying to project a more 'visual' feel to his sentiment. Humans are 'comfort' creatures. We slog and strive so that we can be in our comfort zone. There's nothing wrong with this zone. But many a times, after we reach there, we become complacent and fear to tread on any further. We become stagnant, mundane...to the point of fearing for changes. All of us understand changes might be better or can be worse, but most choose to settle on 'now'. What can be worse off than 'now'?

Lots in fact. If your current situation is already not 'good' to begin with.


By staying put, we are actually making the situation worse. By not seeking the unknowns, we will never know. Staying still is only good when u dun wan the barber to snip yr ear OR aiming a perfect drop into the loo. It won't alleviate your issues or dissolve your unhappiness. To be fair, everyone is trying with their small, little ways. I say you are not trying hard enough. Some are worse; they keep repeating their 'recipes for failures' when they already know it doesn't work at all. Do yourself a favour, pal. Dial +65-63892000. The guys there will try their best to help you.

Get up, get out and go get it! Take a breathe, take a step and plunge.

For if your life is already shitty, there's nothing much to lose anyway.

What constitutes Love?

Love. Did a search on Google and found some of these..

1.Biblical definition of love : Love bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things.


2.Dicitonary.com  : A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

3.XXX.com : Make all your darkest fantasies come true!!


Well. SO...sigh. Love seems to be used and abused in every contexts and aspects of Life nowadays. I think everyone needs love of some sorts. Motherly love, brotherly love, love from pets, love from anything. We crave for it so much, that some even start loving their own gender. I am not here to lament about the kinda of available 'love' out there (be it paid or not..), I juz wanna know why we love what we love.

Cos he is rich. She is hot. He is a hunk. Look at his wheels. Check out her boobs. ok...Maybe...I miss him. She is always there for me. He will never say no to me. There's no one else to love me already ler...

I still dunno.

Is there even a need for a reason at all? Love is just love.

This is for you.

I was so tired the whole day that I sweared I am going to sleep without bathing. I even paid $15 juz to fly back home by cab. Then I decided to logon for while. And I saw yr comment in my blog. I was stunned. Did GOD told you this morning that I was referring to YOU in my last posting? Before I sleep...

My dear Baobei o,

yes, that was the dream I told you.

you cannot imagine the surge of mixed emotions building within when I read your blog...YOu? Blogging? All abt me? And you were reading my blog all this while?

I teared the day you broke my heart. I teared again when you wrote you still love me. Infact, I am tearing as I am typing now. Cos I am happy. And very afraid.

Nothing has changed since the day you left me. Our bits and pieces are still lying around, the fotos in my room are still intact, the password to my lappie is still your IC num. I tried and I can't. I should but I couldn't. Not my heart. Not me. I think of you in the strangest of hours (sometimes I am shitting...), I mentioned your name in the weirdest of places (even in BKK...) I tried to meet new people, I wanna try to move on...and locked you away in the deepest spot inside. I challenged myself to be stirred emotionally, to be carefree, to be strong. But all this only makes me miss you further. And then I will be reminded again and again, how deeply you broke my heart.

You told me I will be the last man you meet. I believed we will always be together. We were that strong before. We were everything we could have asked for. It was tough sometimes, but Love always brought us through. When you told me it didn't matter anymore, whether I am around or not...it shattered my love. When I initiated the breakup, I died that night.

I can't see another I wanna be with, other than you. Yet none other has hurt me this bad too. 'Like a man with the wrong key', should he get out or get in? Time might not have diminish our feelings, but absence definitely makes the hearts fonder. Dun miss me. Love me.

I told you I am not the best of men, but I want to be the best man for you. Still, You gave up on me. Twice. I dunno what is going to happen after this or where should we go from here. I compromised my principles to let you hurt me twice already. I fear a third time. You will always be my Bei no matter wat, and I am yours to lose. Forever, if you allow yourself to.

There is no perfect one. There is no right one. There is only one.

And I will be that one if you want me juz as much wholeheartedly.


love,

Ning.

Shacked.

8:05 a.m. Beautiful morning. And I didn't sleep again.

Been thinking of doing something involving music on a 'part-time basis'. Write. Sing. Anything. And meet like-minded peeps in the process. And enjoy music together. I have to brush up on my basics.

I desperately want to fix up a simple home-recording studio. And it's not cheap. A bloodly mixer with a pair of decent mics are going to set me back like 2k. But the bigger problem is...I dun even know how to go about fixing a home studio.

Fatigue is finally settling in and I have to report for work at 10 a.m. It's going to be a long day. At least I know I am going to sleep well tonight. Blogging can be lonely too. Basically it's like toking to myself. And I dunno what to tell myself anymore. There's no point fighting Life, cos things happen if/when they happen.

Do you read my blog? YOU?

I miss you so much that I feel guilty if I dun.

Like a man with the wrong key hoping to get in. Or get out.

Bei-ed

We lived few units away. We were neighbours. We had our fav spot below the void deck. The spot we met, the spot we fell in love. I love you...we were so happy together.

Then, you changed. I couldn't get you, your mobile is off...you simply disappeared. I searched and waited. Waiting for you to tell me what's wrong. I wanted an answer.

When I finally found you, you wanted to meet at our fav spot. I was hesitant. Cos I was afraid. Afraid of the end.

And You said you loved me no more. I have lost you.

Then I woke up.

And I remembered I have ALREADY lost you.

Sometimes we juz dunno how to react.

I have a little misunderstanding with A. I had a chance to patch things up. I made the first move and he didn't response. Much. The misunderstanding was not resolved.

B misses F alot. He wanted to know how she is doing now. He have her number. But he never make the call.

C met his dad recently, someone who he haben met for a few years. Their interaction wasn't any different. They hardly speak to each other.

D was emotionless when he attended H's dad's funeral. He knew she was devastated. He wanted to do something for her. He didn't.

Maybe there was hesitations. Maybe there was reservations. Maybe there was confusions.

Maybe, we have too many 'maybes'.

Enjoying work.

2 kopis and fried rice later, I am struggling to stay awake.

Another day of work, another day of boredom. Because I am 'forced' to clear my leaves recently, I have been working only 2-3 days a week. Since I am broke and with no plans on hand, I would actually preferred working. Resting too much seriously derailed my momentum, and when I do come back to office, it feels like a bloody drag. I even have to resort to blogging to keep myself occupied. Ha, tok about working smart ah?

No FB, no twitter, no youtubes...they are all restricted by the IT dept. Luckily they decided to give Blogger a miss. I definitely agree that everyone is spending too much time on all this distractions but still, blocking those sites serve no purpose at all. They are not nipping the prob in the bud...companies have to let their staffs enjoy working or employ people who loves working for them. This only shows too many of us are doing things which we are not happy with at all.

Which sadly, includes myself.

If I am making music for a living, I can't see how I can be drawn away from my passion. There might be the occasional  chats or updates, but I definitely wanna go back to 'working'. Companies have to stop looking at credentials, stupid certs and pedigrees ONLY when employing. I think 2 key attibutes should also be passion and attitude.

Hmm.

Cocainized Fireworks.

It was sudden,
it was fast,
it was beautiful,
while it lasts.

Red, orange sparkles,
Oh~ wat a sigh!
like a druggie,
on a high.

Then the end,
it came too soon,
One more serving?
one more spoon?

No no druggies,
they aren't dumb,
they juz couldn't
endure the numb.

~ Sam G  "Chasing Sights"

It could have been the start of something beautiful.

3 days was all it took for the emotions to surge and dived back to normality.

I was intrigued, impressed, confused, perplexed, disappointed and calmed, one after the other in a matter of 72 hrs. My heart muz have had a decent workout. After careful assessment and adequate research to back my findings, it has been comfirmed that close encounter with a feminine form can caused delusional thoughts or behaviour. Alcohol not included.

There's definitely wistfulness about the situation, as it could have been positive. But this is very subjective as it's a one-sided sentiment. Maybe those broken flakes of love bits haven't been stirred for awhile...and with the slightest of arousal, they flew into a raging mess. Irregardless, it's time to step down from this emotional rollercoaster before the ride becomes too tough to handle. Imagine my mind torn between the war of thoughts over nothing. I think I need to be overhauled for tapping on wrong signals and vibes.

I still think she is one attractive character. And I also believe she is better off where she is now, without excess interferences.

Unless Fate forbids.

Ha

You r indeed one big bloody dreamer, Sam.

D

Was so shacked out juz now and dropped dead 6 hrs ago only to wake up at 530am. Damnz. With 3 hrs away from work, to sleep or to surf? Been having this niggling pain/discomfort in my chest/abdomen. Esp when I am breathing...hav I kena stomach inflammation again? Shit.

Guess the beautiful short episode is juz tat. Short. Knowing myself, I can't see myself enagaging in anything more...not when there isn't much signs. (I am not exactly an assured person...) The last thing I want is to be called a bloody pest. (I have very hight EQ...) It's amazing how my mind can fucked myself up sometimes, when you over manifested your tots and one thing juz led to another. All inside the HEAD. Simply amazing. I am either imaginative or *phucked. In a span of a day, I think I shared the story with 5 persons. I juz wanna tell someone, anyone and everyone. Maybe it has been too long, maybe I never had an encounter like this before, or maybe D is different. She totally redefined and challenged my 'Rules of Engagement'

I sweared I msged her cos of our common passion. Still I dunno why I DARE to do it. And I wasn't exactly expecting a response. D is too forthcoming, too unpredictable. And it caught me unprepared. I muz hav seemed like a jerk for saying goodbye RIGHT after the session...when her posture doesn't seemed eager to go off yet.
(*Paiseh...I din really know what to say. Like what everyone told me, a gentleman WOULD at least offer to send u home, even if you were to decline. No brownie points there.)

Where is the famous implusive and courageous traits when I needed it? Am I missing anything by being passive?

Something is stirring. Hmm. Maybe I am juz hoping.

Indeed, there will always be one hill higher than the other.

I met someone 'new' today, chatted and ended the night singing KTV. All on the first day. Amazing.

'New' cos I met her 2 years back thru a buddy. Added her on FB thru this bud, never spoken to her, dunno much about her. Somehow, something make me click on her profile again one ramdom day. And I will always clicked and checked. And checked again. Then I decided to read up on her info.

"hmm....we have quite alot of similar interests wo...esp music and singing.."

Yesterday, not discounting the chance I might be treated like a weirdo or freak, I gave her a msg. Cos I heard she is a good singer. Cos for the appreciation of good voice. Cos for the love of music.

I am Impressed. She is fantastic. I am humbled.

D is one little pocket dynamo. Apparently she 'worked' with Roy (黎沸揮) before. She juz raised the benchmark. Even Marc said she is the best he heard so far in all our KTV sessions. And that is 15 yrs of sessions, mind you.

I muz ask her out for another session. Oh, did I say she is cute? ;)

Matter of choices OR a state of mind?

I never wonder what tomorrow brings.

Maybe Life has been routinized, maybe I allow myself to sit in a comfort zone, maybe my life is juz mundane. 2-3 people might call me daily...sometimes the mobile dun even ring for one whole bloody day.

Most of the time, I dunno what I wanna do or where I wanna go. How can I think of Tomorow when I dunno what is happening Today?

Ah long said it's time he starts doing things he wanna do and he is making big sacrifice. But he is happy. So are others who are doing things they love. Long said once you are happy, issues will take care of themselves.

How do you KNOW you will be happy with the choice you make? Do you go on searching and changing or do you learn to be happy with wat you are doing now?

Do you dare to take the plunge, for better or worse?

Love, while it lasts.

Sometimes we spend too much time doing stuffs not concerning loved ones.

I remember when I first met her, I was swept away. I was glad we did got together eventually and had many beautiful memories. She told me she wanted me to be the man of her life. I was crushed when I lost the queen of my heart. I might never see her again.

We dun need departures to realise their importance. It's never enough just telling them how much you love them.

You might not have another chance again.

This is for the hypocritical fence-sitting friends

I knew I have a violent streak inside. Esp when agitated, esp when drunk.

Anyone who is close enough or have spend some time with me would have witness this flaw. It must have taken one of my buddies some courage (plus half a bottle of Chivas) to tell me this in my face. I heard alot of truth that night...and I am thankful for your honesty. With this volatile temperament, not many would want to incur my wrath.

I am consistently biased, very opinionated and very difficult to get along. I knew that all along. It's something I consciously live with, something I try to suppress all the time. With age, I have better control. Still, an idiot is never too far away to try my limits.

'That's why he has lesser frens now..' '..he's just like a walking timebomb...' '...dun let him drink so much lah...' are some of the things I heard that night. Some from my buddy's mouth, some quoted from others. I am not angry with the remarks, but rather upset...but everyone is entitled to their opinions too. When most start having a similar impression of this sorts, there must be some truth. I do agreed with most but I felt rather pointless to defend myself. Everyone does love a good-looking chap, who is nice, friendly and almost neutral outwardly to the extent that he seems like an angel. This person definitely has his own opinions about you or the situation. He is just too 'nice' to let you know.

I hate fence-sitters. They are indecisive, they sway, and they fear to stand up for their themselves. Some will call them 'peace-loving' but I call them cowards. With logic and sense as a benchmark, it's ok to speak up and be heard. It's VERY ok to know how to agree to disagree or vice versa. It's not about challenging each other, it's about the whole existence of yourself. As long as there is mutual respect for one another, we should expose our minds to others and learn or listen. Aren't you being hypocritical when you fail to speak your mind instead?

It's ok to disagree with me. I won't swallow you, hit you or kill you. If you think you make sense and GENUINELY wants to communicate your thinking, DO IT god dammit!! Being genuine is about conveying your thoughts across, and it's not about embarrassing others, winning the debate or making yourself look good. So bloodly stop being so self-righteous when your motives is less than commending.

I am not Superman. And he wears his red undies outside, so what say you?


PS : I dun need you to love me, I am juz being myself. I spark only when tested, only when it's about you versus me. An Aries never back down from a challenge (if YOU wants it to be one). I defend when being attacked. I am not a troublemaker, please get that into your fucking head. Having an above-average look, wealth or body frame is a BONUS. It does not make you any better than the rest of us. Pray hard you still have the same attributes in your next life.

Media Pimps & Whores.

*Deep breath*

Everyday I read news of all sorts being reported. The Singapore F1 blah blah blah...Lewis Hamilton and his pussy dolls GF...The blah blah wedding of C Lee and F Wong...Ms blah blah Zhang and her BFF hairstylist not being served cos boutique IS CLOSING...Ms Singlish Low and her credit cards blah blah blah...

Seriously, how much media filth are lining today's headlines?

The blatant glamourising of celebrities' lives, senseless worshipping of wealth and over-coverage of 'dirty linens' news are getting to be an eyesore. 'Freedom of Speech' is one thing while feeding media trash is another. The line is blurring and I wonder what is the basis of media ethnics nowadays. To make-believe, to influence or juz purely to sell figures?

Maybe it's the 'demand versus supply' symptoms. When there are 'willing' readers, there will be 'trying' writers. More readers, less news, more shit. Therefore I consciously select my reading materials, though there are times when the 'devilish' covers or headlines are juz too hard to ignore. These reporters should self-regulate their works and maybe be a lit more socially responsible, other than amplifying those insubstanstial characters or happenings. Prolonged mental poisoning can be highly devastating to ignorant minds.

If Singapore is the one hit by floods or earthquake now, Ms F Wong would be swimming in her Indian-themed gown...with Riz Low telling RazorTV how the earthquake 'boomz' her. And that bloody sissy botak hairstylist will complain again how his Ms BFF Zhang cannot shop cos all boutiques are flooded.

Give me a break.

A Sign of Lymphoma?

There's 2 lumps on the left side of my neck for weeks. Yang suggested doing a Lymph node biopsy to dispel my concerns.


I am more concerned about what can I NOT do than what can I do abt it. Do I really need to know if I am REALLY having problems with my health? I know I am being stubborn.


It's only abt finishing my race earlier than later. I still cross the finishing line.

Self-fucked

I am wasting away my life slowly.

Everyday passed without me any step closer to wat I wanna be. Am I procrastinating or being compromised by situations? Can I really take a stand and make my choice? And I realises I can't. I can't...because of resources or my current state of mind, I dunno. But I am unhappy so constantly that maybe subconsciously I am telling myself it's ok to be unhappy. I would have label someone like this as 'depressed' but I dun feel like I am in depression yet. Cos I know what is going on, I am still pondering and I am still questioning. But my mind is screwing me up, trappping me in this maze of Qs & As, dragging me deeper into this circle of pessimism. It's an endless chase and I need to STOP chasing desperately.

Sam would have despise me now, then again...Sam was younger before. Maybe Youth 'belittled' Fear and with age, you gained more awareness of repercussions. I am definitely a pale shade of my former self but I never felt more connected to Self than now. I really understand what is happpening to me. There is really nothing to be happy about. I am not sick.

I juz can't help it.

How are you?

Maybe I sounded harsh when I said it. Maybe I said it to hurt you. Maybe I am as hurt as you.

It has been some time since I have any updates of you. I dun keep in touch with your frens, you dun leave traces in FB and I dun bump into you by chance. I still check up on you thru whatever means I can and I do want to know how you are getting on. Less those bits of fotos that I have seen, I dunno what is keeping you busy right now. Sometimes I wish there will be an impromptu call from you, for whatever reasons. Then again, I told you to get out of my life totally. I felt I had to say so...but it doean't mean I mean it totally.

I have learnt to live without you. It's not easy and I still can't control the pangs of sadness swelling inside whenever I think of you. I can't be like this if I want to move on, especially when I know I HAVE to move on. I dun have a choice for us.

The day when I remember I was missing you, will be the day I make peace with my heart. It saddens me to know this day will eventually comes... when you can no longer cause anymore sadness. It is a struggle dealing with this dilemna, a struggle to keep memories of you for awhile longer, a struggle to keep you in or out of consciousness. In one of my drunken stupor, I heard myself calling your name. My head can conceals, but my heart don't denies.

Till then, I am missing you indefinitely. And I hope you are happy.

Solemnity

I see my life as a mixed process of routines, randomness, pre-plans and the unexpected. I see others penning out theirs more or less like mine too. Maybe some have aspirations or dreams to chase, some have important roles to fulfill, or maybe some are just living by default.

I haven't been able to put words to thoughts for awhile. I am disturbed...but I can't really figure out why. I am perplexed by 'what COULD have-beens' or 'what SHOULD have-beens'. Have you wonder if along the way, if you have made a different decision...something as simple as skipping school for that day or sleeping another hour later then, things might just be so different now. I wished some things could have been better, but then again I might lose other things which have already been better. Such is the discontentment and ambiguity in me, I sometimes wish I have never existed. Having consciousness is one thing, having acceptance is another and I hardly have both at the same time. It's always a 'half-glass empty' perception for me.

Life can be so amazing by weaving everyone's lives into one big time capsule, yet at the same time gives us our share of individualisms. No 2 men are alike in every aspects and that's what shaped us into each distinctive person. Having everyone of us going about our own lives and yet making this world functional, is simply spectacular. How on earth are we able to be so self-absorbed and pre-occupied with our lifes and yet co-existed collectively? What happen if we are the only one on earth? Maybe all those life, love, work etc. problems will not be an issue anymore cos the only problem then is about being alone. Who bothers and who can you bother?

I have been trying to understand ' what exactly is Life all about'. It really depends on where, when, what and who is answering this question. 'A' thinks that Life is about Bangkok, gymming and serial dramas...'B' wakes up everyday worrying about her work, money and kids...'C' wants more money and love, maybe straighter hair too. 'D''s life is no different from yesterday or tomorrow...'E' hopes the partying never ends!...'F' needs a good holiday...'G' wants...'H' feels...I'...'J'...

sigh...Life. Ha.

Stuck

I am lost in the space of Time.

There are many things I wanna do but I am doing none of them now. I feel trapped everyday, living the life I am having. I need a big stroke of fortune to change this situation. In God's grace, if it's meant to be...I will be getting out of Singapore permanently. I am willing to leave behind everything in exchange for happiness in the years to come. Nothing here endears to me anymore. Absolutely nothing.

I have always been lonely, and alone I will be.

August

4 months more and it's goodbye 2009!

I promised myself to end every year better than the last. Doesn't have to be spectacular, juz some little improvement or achievement. Though lots have happened this year, there's nothing I can be happy about yet. Hope it's not going to be a fruitless year.

Moving forward, I hope to be more involved with music...writing more songs and meeting more like-minded peeps. Even if I couldn't have a career outta this passion, I still want to be able to enjoy music as much as possible. I have a crazy idea to jet off to Taiwan and pursue my passion there. At least it seems more possible to 'live musically', given the established industry and vibrant music scene. Anyway this crazy thought is for a crazy me to do on a crazy day. Let's see if this day comes. I plan to do more travelling too...other than therapeutic for me, there's much to learn from other cultures. Maybe if I can find a place suitable for a 'mainstream outcast' like myself, I will get outta this shithole here and settle there permanantly. (I dun hate Singapore. I juz never like her.)

I haben been thinking too much recently...juz doing some ramdom or spontaneous stuffs and bounce along with Life. I think I deserve a break and mmm...go a little easy on myself. Shit happens and Life goes on. People that matters are still fine, even if some are not fine WITH me. I am happy somehow... knowing they are okay and living. Life is too short for grievances or haterd and I definitely prefer nicer memories with everyone than not, shall I go one day.

So...August is beautiful and I am going to end it with a wonderful trip with 2 other fools. Let's see if I, the Chief Fool, can find more fools to fool around foolishly in BKK!! Sebai sebai!!

Happiness as it is

I am not weak.

I am not challenging anything. I dun plan for tomorrow. I dun know how to start. I have lots to say. I dun talk cos no one listens. I breathe with no regards to time, day or place. I keep it inside cos everyone has their own shits. I need someone but I trust no one. I choose to be alone cos no one realises I am lonely. I sing cos I need a voice. I drink to conceal my worries. I smoke to be at peace with myself. I dun cry cos it's already sad inside. I wanna go to somewhere new, with a new name, a new identity, a new life.

I dun wanna be Sam anymore. I wanna be happy.

When is it too late to dream?

Lately I have been inspired by this young Taiwanese gal named 蚊子. Watching all her videos on youtube excites me, as much as make me sad.

In this elitist society like Singapore, accademic excellence is more important than talent in creative arts. With a degree, you are almost assured of a decent payout. Our system here have the opportunities and placements for the 'smart ones' (not necessary intelligent..) and professional designations are revered by most. It's definitely a path less trodden for the 'arty farties', given the developed status of the country.

Well...it's not too bad now..at least the government is trying to put something in place with arts festivals, sports school and some other nonsense. The sad part is maybe I have missed the boat, passed my prime and with aching bones plus escalating weight, I can't see how am I going to dance like little 蚊子. Shake a little perhaps...dance..i can't imagine.

Someone told me 'when u badly want something the world will conspire to make it happen...'

It's very very encouraging (thanx M***lyn!)...BUT will anyone still be interested to see an old fart sing and dance...tight pants, tummy and all by then?

Rant.

2:25 a.m.

7 hours away from work, 3 days away from off day, coming 2 months away from you.

Life goes on. Cos I not not dead. Though a part of me died, when I started walking alone. I might not gain many 'approval nods', I found my resonance in others too. Definitely more fastidious, but still empathic....more awareness and less patronising.

Too many faces out there everyday for me to draw any relevance or connection. Other than the handful I withdrawn into, I shut off from the daily crowd. I hear nothing from within...no hints from the brain, no clues from the heart. I feel like I am submerged in my own realm, everything is surreal already. I feel lonely. I feel alone.

I listen to others' tales...tales of love, of lust or watever. And I smirked. Cos I know they are all the same. It's like a vicious cycle, to and fro till an entity or emotion is no more. I have finally submits to Life's dealer hands and refuses to put anymore stakes. We juz never win, rite? No matter how much we try... we juz never win.

If it's already plotted, already pre-planned...shall I wait for whatever is coming? If so many are living a life so unjustified, why do I go on justifying mine? Dear Almightly (if there's any..), how do you judge and determine our journeys? Why are there farkers driving lambos, idiots acting like rambos, while some are living in limbos?

Are you juz as flawed as us?

Melancholic

Sometimes I can pictured myself in some artistic movie, dark-grey toned...in a scene where the actor juz sat there beneath a dimmed shade...smoking, drinking and weeping. He would be a loner, a lonely musician...and he sings so well on his piano, singing songs so blue, his voice so coarse from ciggies...from his blues to the blues...I can put it on loop all day.

I am juz a simple man... looking for happiness. But Sadness completes me, for I would not have desired happiness. In my alcohol-induced state of mind, everything is beautiful, everywhere is beautiful and everyone will be beautiful...(If only everybody is alcoholic!) It's so much easier being a bastard, an idiot or a mother-fucker isn't it? Or juz be alone?

This song by Buble on my playlist 'Dream' came on as I was thinking....'Dreammm...when u'r feeling blue...dreammm....tat's the thing to do...' mmm...how appropraite for the moment now!

I kinda miss you. I dunno what is upsetting you. I dun really wanna distanced myself from you. Sigh...everyone of you, what went wrong between us?

Just being me.

I must have ruffled a few feathers recently. Other then the conscious effort to avoid some, I think one is consciously avoiding me too.

The above header is self-explanatory.

Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, behaviours, opinions, speeches etc...irregardless the reprecussions. You just have to be ready to receive the consequential aftermath. If at any point of time, I have pissed you off through any course of actions, too bad. It was never intentional unless you have been a real asshole. I never ever set out to hurt, and if I did, it was juz to let known my displeasures and unhappiness. If we are still perpectually in touch, it doesn't mean I like what you are doing/thinking/behaving TOTALLY. It's only becos I know I am as flawed as you are, and you haven't exceed my tolerance of you yet. I will respect your views until my empathy grinds to a complete halt. By then, either you have become an asshole or I am an asshole to you too.

I am not some self-centered, egomaniac trying to be self-righteous. I juz believe I definitely have the right to choose the people or lifestyle I can be comfortable with. Transitions can be a day's affair, a week, sometimes years. I am in the middle of an evolvement which I think will leads to a better Me. And it's not for anyone else to tell me otherwise. I dun live for you, and you dun die for me...so save your criticisms and judgements for yourself. You dun need me to endorse what you believe might be a 'better' you too.

I am in complete mercy of the misconceptions others will derive from my recent transformation. But I bear no grudges to those who choose to think otherwise. I only have a lifetime, and the last thing I want, is to habour more negatism within. As the saying goes..'to each his own'.

End of the day, you are juz being yourself too.

Libranized.

Dun be deceived.

Temptations are always lurking, flesh is always weak. Boredom can leads to impromptu actions, implusiveness can be deadly. We might be blinded by temporal lust, our hearts get false signals and our minds get contaminated. Momentary happiness are so short-lived, we keep going back for more. Companionships might be addictive, so are alcoholic-driven pleasures. Concerns could be motivated, Love becomes convenience. Buddies becoming worse enemies, Family becoming strangers. We become immune to ourselves, we become each other. Sleep might be an exit from reality, words are just a cover for Truth. Perversion might be a rejection of self, morality might be the mask of some. Deceit could be trying to make wrong things, right.

Nothing is indefinitely definite.

When Good can be Bad, or vice versa.

Everyone complains and wish that Life can be better. So if given one chance to have that perfect Life, how exactly 'better' do we want it?

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Loads of money? That dream job? Everlasting love? Eternal youth?

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I used to whine alot and blamed the world for all the wrongs that have happened. It's always someone somewhere doing something unjustified, I thought I was the most unluckiest man alive. I perked myself up by thinking things cannot be worse than then and since I am already at 'shit-bottom'...surely the only way is up? But when more shit happens, my faith waivered and I believed I must be cursed this lifetime. Until I decided to change my frame of mind.

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I have read one motivational quotes or books too many. If you are seeking inspirations from them, dun bother. They are written by the inspired, who have been inspired by an inspired, to inspire the next. If you trace back the source, there MUST be a first one...who decided to look on the brighter side of life and starts infecting those around him. This 'first person' role is constantly changing and I won't be surprised if the initial first gets inspired by another when his morale is waning. This shows that anyone can be that inspired 'first', and that 'anyone' can be you. We all knew Life has her ups and downs but knowing is not enough. Are we ready to embrace them?

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We never cursed when things are going on well. Did you ever hear anyone complaining after getting a promotion or winning lottery? But seriously, how do you know those perceived 'good' are really good for you? I have a fren who have that dream job, dream apartment, dream car, going on dream holidays all by the age of 30. She died before her 31st b'day. I know another who prided herself for being a non-smoker only to sccumbed to lung cancer. I have an ex-buddy who became a millionaire by 23 because his mom plunged couple dozen storeys down. I am not trying to say that misfortune will befall those who are enjoying or receiving the kindness of Fate. I juz wanna to let you people know, Life can be ironical sometimes, or even fickle...switching 'allegiance' between good and bad all the time. And sometimes what is deemed good or bad, might not be true afterall.

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I believe there is always a reason for whatever we have gone or going through. It could be the start of something really fantastic, or something freaking bad. I might have to lose the woman of my dreams, before I find the woman of my life. I might have to be so steeped in debts before I value the virture of being thrifty. I might have to flirt with death, before I cherish the privilege of living. But that doesn't mean I won't die. That doesn't mean I will be exempted.

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But at least I live to fight another day.

Pennies for my thoughts.

I never think I am going to live very long. Not with my heavy smoking anyway.

I cannot imagine the damage I am doing to my lungs daily, draggin' on those little soulmates. These soulmates are not cheap, rising by the double over the years...but there will be an even heavier price to pay later on.

I started gymming again recently (time to whack myself into shape!), given the time I have on hand. I will start running very soon too. Maybe it's part of the adjustment to be able to 'function' alone. Maybe it's the relunctance to be too socially available. Maybe it's the anti-smoking poster I came across days ago. Maybe I dun wanna die so young after all.

The last time I felt really lost and stuck was when I was 15. I juz woke up one day and can't seemed able to think sensibly anymore. Wat happened next was years of downward spiral. Things became better when I had someone to love and care for, and this accounted for the last 8 years of my life. I was never too alone and had a healthy social circle. I know good times dun last, but they were fun while they did. I have aged, definitely mellowed, but none the wiser about the future. The future...it's freaking me out not knowing when, what, where and how. I know the feeling of loss and emptiness will creep back one day.

And today is the day.

When yr peers starts having children and stops being childish, when your mum no longer nags for coming home late, when your idols starts passing away, when you can't last 24hrs without an eyeshut, when the young ones starts calling you 'uncle', when you felt 31 yrs passed by juz like that and you wish you were young again. When you starts saying alot of 'whens', you know you are edging closer to death then before.

I am going to compile a list of 'to-dos' and starts accomplishing them. Nothing too difficult, nothing too far-fetched. I think the time is right to embark on a journey of self-discovery and clock as much mileage as possible. Once this consolidation year is over, 2010 will be the flip of a brand new page. As fearful as I am to tread forward, I relish the chance to finish my latter half of my life on a 'high'. Baby steps or leap, Sam is not going to stay stationary anymore.

Live everyday like it's your last. Carpe diem, Sam! Carpe diem!

MFs

I give up.

Humans are generally selfish...most of us are, in one way or another. Me included. It's difficult to cater to one another when everyone have different priorities and perspectives. Wat is important to some, might not be the same for another. Due to my naive belief that there is a basic 'selflessness'' in everyone has left me emotionally-challenged constantly. Contrary to that faith, the fact is that most of us are self-centered individuals, and are willing participants when it is to be self-fulfilling or beneficial.

There is no wrong in that school of thought. Even I believe we should placed our personal well-beings before anyone else. But that's where the similarity ends.

I DO NOT justify my well being at the expense of others. I DO NOT engage in self gratification. I never set out to hurt, cheat or shortchange anyone. I really can't understand why some mother fuckers just have to gain that little or unfair advantage at the expense of anybody. Won't you be guilt-ridden? Isn't there a feeling of remorse within? Would you like it if someone do it to you?

Kenneth told me I am hopeless and I think so too. I have been highly tolerable to fuckers like those, and I keep allowing them to do it to me over and over again. I am not ignorant of your hidden motives or your selfishness, I just believe, in good faith, that I am able to offer a little help in exchange for a little more happiness for everyone. I am not noble, neither can I do wonders, BuT I try to make it a little easier, better for you.

Well that is going to end from now. Kenneth told me about filtering my pool instead of accomodating all those bloody junks into my life. 9 times I help you (which you won't appreciate) and the 1 time that I don't, I am a mother-fucker to you too. So fuck you and pls fuck away from me. Why do I even bother with you fuckers being happy? No more fucking around with me.

I remembered I spent my b'day with only one buddy this year (Thanx Yang!). Only one buddy will share his fondness for good food with me from time to time (Marc, steady la!). Only one buddy will chill with me and listen to my incessant ramblings (Sorry Bast!). Only one buddy will ask me if my kneecaps still hurt (That's u, Tweety!)

When you think of me only when you need help, bored, broke or to pass time, you are mother fuckers.

Wake up before only your mum likes you.

Seeing is not Believing

I wonder if 'sight' should be included into one of the 'sins' of men.

The ability to see is so wonderful and so So SO over-rated. As much as giving me beautiful and memorable visuals, it also impairs my rationale and judgement sometimes.

Though I always try to look beyond 'face-value' when dealing with people or situations, I am afraid I am juz as guilty to form an immediate perception on sight. It will only be much later before the brain starts to filter the visual information and comes to a conclusion.

Why?

Sometimes first impressions are already so etched within, it's impossible to have a logical or sensible verdict. It's easy when it's pleasing on the eyes...beautiful places, beautiful cars, beautiful people or beautiful situations. Somehow or rather, the human brain is programmed to receive these informations with open arms. And we can get really upset/affected/disgusted when we PERCEIVE any others that doesn't falls into the 'beautiful' category. We withdraw, critisize or shun those we think are less deserving of our appreciation/admiration.

Is it because we are insecure? That deep down inside us, we know and fear that the very same ugly sightings can happen to us? Or we falsely believe that we will always be exempted from such negative judgements? So we judge first before we can be judged?

Not everyone or everything have the good fortune of being beautiful. But they can be beautiful too if we look deeper. Beautiful situations/people/places are not a norm. They are a 'bonus'. Not having any is not a curse, it's juz Life. And Life does have her imperfections sometimes.

Without having the lesser, how to determine the better? Chew on this.

p/s: Will it be easier if we all can't see?

Transitional existence

We are not meant to live forever. So what should we do while we are alive?

Many a times, I questioned myself about the significance of my existence. I am not superman, I can't change the world, damn I dun really know what I should be doing. I see the functionalities of a mobile phone, a digi cam or a car. They existed to serve our needs, I existed to do what?

Should I let myself live...and aged, then die off like so many of us? On my own, I am so insubstantial...the economy won't crash without me tom, no one's world would stop if I am gone isn't it?

I wanna be more involved somehow. By affecting, influencing or inspiring people around me. I wanna penetrate into Life, be involved with people and touched them. I dun wanna live a life studying, earning money and working my butt off. We will die someday, and for all the condos, money, stocks and shit u can have....they dun matter anymore when we r dead rite?

This world can definitely make do with more Lee Kuan Yews, Bill Gates or Einsteins. They dun juz live. They make a bloody difference. They dun work for money, they live for dreams. They won't live forever but their legacies will.

And I want to be like them.

Looking ahead

Things are slowly looking up.

I finally managed to get a stranglehold of my messy finances and breathe a little easier. Some simple plans are in the pipelines and for once... I have some realistic goals to work upon. Maybe taking on the oncoming challenges as a lone ranger does suit me better, because there is lesser pressure with decreased commitments and responsibilties.

I am not expecting a major over-haul of my lifestyle but the next 6 months could prove to be eventful and rewarding. When I am answerable only to myself (maybe my mum too), I can make bolder decisions and live the life I always wanted. I am not any happier right now, but at least I am not bothered. The only concern might be the detrimental effect of a failed relationship in regards to my response to Love in the long run. We shall see.

Small steps are all I can take right now, but with a slight glimspe of light beckoning, I know I am on the right path. And hopefully I am able to finish what I started out to achieve at the start of 2009 and starts 2010 on a brand new chapter. Once I clear the biggest obstacle, I am going to embark on my journey of self-gratification in endorsing the 'carpe diem' ideology.

Wait for me.

Be inspired.

You know you are reading something very true and inspirational when somewhere inside you stirred. Life, Love and Death are the 3 of the 4 best 'mentors' we can ever have during the course of a lifetime, if we pay enough attention. (The last one being 'Time'...)

I am still searching for the reasons of my existence. Searching because Life is ever-evolving and change is constant. One thing I knew, I came about because of Love, Life gave me an opportunity to search, Time will bring me to the end when Death will provide me with all the answers. Everyone of us will go through the same process, definitely not in the same manner and length.

I once told a suicide survivor that there is no hurry to die, because we all will eventually. I do not need to live forever, I need to be alive once.

Going Solo.

Is there something such as a perfect life?

Everyday, I hear stories of people from all walks of Life. Disillusionment, discontentment, poverty, grief, social pressure, working stress, love issues are some of the most common complaints. Some are bothered by one, some...are caught in most of them.

I had my darker days too.

Days when nothing seems right, days when I am lost in depression...days when I tot I will never see the light again. I was wrong. Every single time. Some periods lasted longer than others, some seemed like forever. But they all ended somehow. The sun really do rises everyday. And I realised maybe things are not always as bad as they seem. But the greater issue lies NOt in the problems themselves but the way we handle those problems. And since they almost always hit us simultaneaously, we are caught out of solutions. The moment we realises there is no quick fix in Life and break down the whole lump of it, working on untying knot by knot in this big web of unhappiness....they WILL be fixed.

Evolution sharpened the sensitivity of men and moulded our needs in accordance to current times. Coupled with modern advancements, the invasion of emotional anguish on our well-beings are superseding simple happiness. It's not difficult to be happy. Being happy is definitely an option....we only need to know HOW to choose that option.

I chose Happiness over anything else a long time ago, that's why I am going solo. I want to be happy, I want her to be happy....and since we can't be happy together, then we have to be happy on our own. Being happy alone is deserving, being happy together is a bonus. Happiness is a positive emotion and Love should be positively engaging. When neither is apparent, then we must choose our options.



I am not giving up on Love. I am just giving my Love an option to be happy.

Somtimes it's beyond us.

It's has been a long, memorable 5 yrs. We been thru too much together for all the 'thank you', 'sorry' and 'take care'...but if u happen to read this...thank you for everything and please take good care of yourself.

It wasn't an easy decision to make and one of us have to do it. I thanked God for giving us strength to face it together one last time. For all the sadness we are feeling, I believe things will be fine for us. And the day will comes when we will be blessed again.

If I am going to choose loving you all over again, I wouldn't have do it any differently. If you were only meant to be temporal, then it's all I ask for.

For one last time...my Baobei, I love you.

As long as you are happy.

Jimmy wakes up and repeats what he do everyday. He is rich, have a degree but he dun work. He is the envy of many, scorned by some. As long as he is happy.

Jarco wanna move to another job that will pay him more. Even though there is not much prospect in that designation, he can earn loads and sky's the limit. As long as he is happy.

Aunt Jady has everything....Money, status, family. Almost. She wants to be happy.

Jervon is young, striving and materialistic. She can derive much happiness from her job, her shopping sprees and all her blings. She think she is happy.

Uncle Jacky is old and alone. He is a taxi-driver and he is broke. He gambles on 4D and toto and he prays he will strike everytime. Sometimes he does and it makes him happy.

Jamie earns decent dough but steeped in debts. But he bought himself 2 new comfortable pillows and a nice quilt. He is happy.

as he is typing now.



'Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.' ~ George Burns

Juz get your own act right.

Criticisms towards the 1st H1N1 victim in Singapore. North Korean's defiance in the face of world's scrutiny. Top local host who have a rumoured affair with his young assistant.


Too many opinions, different values, cultural and religious differences. If everyone are the similar in EVERY aspects, the world might be a more peaceful place. But boring...very very boring indeed.

All of us have our own beliefs, principles and values we were bought up on and still practising till now. They might not be the best, but they did guided and moulded us into the person we are today. Some might be biased, some straved of empathy or might even be warped. I believe not all are applicable to everybody, given our diverse ethnicities. That's why co-existence and tolerance are of paramount importance anytime, anywhere. Too many finger-pointings and imposing judgements are going on everyday, from the top levels to the commoners. Why can't everyone juz get their own shit right instead? Undesired intrusions of external affairs can be refrained if corrective conducts can be self-imposed. The basis of moral values should not be entwined with political agendas, religious differences and cultural rights.

You dun need intelligence to be wise. You dun need God's presence to do good. You dun need age to show maturity. You dun need jurisdictions to behave. We need all these cos humans are flawed and since everyone is not perfect, who are we to judge one another?

2 cents' worth is predominantly 2 cents. Some of us might even be worth lesser than that.