Stupid is what stupid does.

I am so sick. And I deserved it.

It's really stupid to abuse my own health. And I dun even know for wat. Drank like silly, smoked like silly and feeling really silly now. God. I feel so awful. Fucked. Blocked nose, blocked ears, blocked throat and a blockhead. Why do I even bother? Now who bother about me? Silly silly sam. SIgh.SOb.*cough cough...

Bloody year is ending. Wat a lousy 2009! Definitely a year to be forgotton!

~Sam

'I want to clear those debts. Buy a car. Be independent. Do music. My life will NOT be revolving peeps who are there only when they are lonely. Fucked. Do lonely people also flocked together like birds do? I dun wanna to listen to anymore cock and bull stories, and I dun need to tell others mine too. I dun wanna feel upset for issues, people, situations that don't concern me!!!...'  ~ Bad Sam

I will be alone. On my own. Listen to my inner voices and I will be so fucked. ~ Sam

Narrator ~ This is what happens everyday. Good Sam and Bad Sam will be quarrelling with each other. Sometimes Bad Sam is on MC and there will be inner peace. But never for too long. GS is too idealistic and BS is too frustrated. Sam is perpectually upset and BS will rub it in, manifesting every little single things. GS needs reinforcements. His influence is depleting real fast. But how? GS can't perk Sam up, and Sam is sinking.
                   ...........................................................................................................................

'How? How? How?'
GS rolled up his sleeves. He is going to face this. Head on.

GS : '..hi..

BS glanced and turned away.

GS : '...HI..EXcuse me..'

BS : ' ..ya SIMI???..'

GS : ' well..regarding Sam, do you think ..?'

BS : 'Why wHY WHY??? U HAV PROB AH??'

GS : 'Erm..no..but u know he has been abusing himself and the last thing WE want is for him to..'

BS : 'TO TO TO!! U scare he will die ah?? KNN!! AND WAT SO GREAT ABOUT LIVING ANYWAY??? I DIDN'T FORCE HIM WAT, I ONLY TOLD HIM LIFE SIBEY SUX THAT'S ALL!!'

GS : '..I am not blaming you or Sam. er..I mean..I know he is having some dificulties sorting out stuffs..but it's getting way too..too..'

BS : 'TOO TOO! TOO TOO! U THINK HP RING TONE AH?? KNN TO U LAH! YOU DUN COME AND TOO TOO HERE OR TOO TOO THERE WITH ME OK!! IF U CAN HELP HIM, WHY DIDN'T U?? CB!! U THINK I ALSO VERY HAPPY MEH?? AT LEAST LIM PEK TELL HIM MY OPINIONS, NOT LIKE YOU!! SIMI LIFE WILL BE BETTER LA, CHEER UP LA...FUCKING WASTE OF TIME!! ISN'T HE HAPPIER NOW LOSING HIMSELF AND LETTING GO??'

GS : '.well..I dun think he is any happier ..infact he look like he is going bonkers anytime. Very unstable and unpredictable now...like a volcano waiting to erupt..I think we better...'

BS : 'U BETTER DUN TINK, LET ME TEL U!! HE DUN ERUPT, LIM PEK ALSO WILL ERUPT. KNN!! TOK SO MUCH KOK IN THE END ALSO JUZ TOK AND TOK!! CAN'T U SEE SAM BERY TULAN U OREDI MEH?? WAT LOVE, HOPE AND FAITH..KNN LIM PEK PUI!!! PLS LAH OK..DUN TELL HIM FAKE TINGS AND AFFECT HIS BRAIN OK!! U OREDI SAY UNTABLE STILL WAN TO KA JIAO HIM, KNN!! LATER HE REALI GO AND DIE, YOU AND I ALSO JIALAT!!

GS : 'But I can feel he is reaching out for help...I can see he wants to be happy..'

BS : 'hOW U SEE??'

GS : 'Just listen. Listen to him...'

BS : ' I DUN HEAR ANYTHING LER...'

GS : 'You have to feel it brother...you also have too much angst within..just let go...surely this is not what you really want to be?'

BS : 'KNN! IF EVERYTHING SOON SOON, LIM PEK MA MAI ANGRY, TIO BOH??

GS : 'Ok..then what exactly are you upset about?'

BS : 'WA MM JAI'

GS : ' You Dunno?'

BS : 'Ya..'

GS : 'And you get so frustrated but yet you dunno??'

BS : 'Yalah. I am juz tulan la.'

GS : 'With?'

BS : 'Myshelf la.'

Silence. *Deep Breath*

GS : 'Okay..can we have an agreement?'

BS : 'Wat?'

GS : 'Can You do some damage control?'

BS : 'Like how?'

GS : 'Like letting me tell him how he is blessed to hav his mum and his 2 siblings loving him, how he is gifted in other areas and...'

BS : 'Wa..knn..U like asking a lot wor..'

GS : 'But you dun wan him to die rite?'

BS : 'Of coz mai!!'

GS : 'GOod. Then do it for Sam. Let us do it for SAM.'

BS : 'Like tat can meh?'

GS : 'No harm trying brother!' *smile*

BS : 'Ok lor...Steadee! Dun say I no give face!'

GS : 'GOOD! End of the day, you also dun wanna be labeled 'Bad Sam', rite?

BS : 'KNN! Then U oredi called 'GOOD SAM' liao, lim pek also boh pian mah..'

GS : 'Well...there's always other names u can use..'

BS : 'Simi simi???'

GS : 'wa ma mm jai...'

BS : 'KNN!!'


to be continued...