Solemnity

I see my life as a mixed process of routines, randomness, pre-plans and the unexpected. I see others penning out theirs more or less like mine too. Maybe some have aspirations or dreams to chase, some have important roles to fulfill, or maybe some are just living by default.

I haven't been able to put words to thoughts for awhile. I am disturbed...but I can't really figure out why. I am perplexed by 'what COULD have-beens' or 'what SHOULD have-beens'. Have you wonder if along the way, if you have made a different decision...something as simple as skipping school for that day or sleeping another hour later then, things might just be so different now. I wished some things could have been better, but then again I might lose other things which have already been better. Such is the discontentment and ambiguity in me, I sometimes wish I have never existed. Having consciousness is one thing, having acceptance is another and I hardly have both at the same time. It's always a 'half-glass empty' perception for me.

Life can be so amazing by weaving everyone's lives into one big time capsule, yet at the same time gives us our share of individualisms. No 2 men are alike in every aspects and that's what shaped us into each distinctive person. Having everyone of us going about our own lives and yet making this world functional, is simply spectacular. How on earth are we able to be so self-absorbed and pre-occupied with our lifes and yet co-existed collectively? What happen if we are the only one on earth? Maybe all those life, love, work etc. problems will not be an issue anymore cos the only problem then is about being alone. Who bothers and who can you bother?

I have been trying to understand ' what exactly is Life all about'. It really depends on where, when, what and who is answering this question. 'A' thinks that Life is about Bangkok, gymming and serial dramas...'B' wakes up everyday worrying about her work, money and kids...'C' wants more money and love, maybe straighter hair too. 'D''s life is no different from yesterday or tomorrow...'E' hopes the partying never ends!...'F' needs a good holiday...'G' wants...'H' feels...I'...'J'...

sigh...Life. Ha.