Doing things on my own.

My buds had a swell saturday night, being merry and hanging out. I was alone at home.

Nope I wasn't bothered. In fact I took the time to write another song again! It's wasn't becos I was not invited or intentionally being left out. I juz dun hang out that often anymore, around alot of frens. My circle got smaller and my social activites got simpler. Thanx to the conversation with Yang moments ago (before I decided to post this), I realised there is this new found strength and desire to get on with Life on my own. I am not whinning as much about being alone like before, I am looking forward to fulfilling my plans for 2010. In a nutshell, I dun make plans for/with anyone else anymore.

The start of an event is always becos of someone's agenda or priority. Those who shared the same interest or agenda then join in to do it together. The rest will juz make up the numbers. Many a times, I am one of the headcounts...well, maybe sometimes I share the common passion. Very seldom did the event occur becoz it's ME who want to do it. There is nothing wrong or bad in such social setups. But there is definitely a difference. When it's your own agenda and you fulfill it, something is done or achieved. For those making up the numbers, it's juz another occasion. And I wonder what I could have been doing for myself all this while, instead of living others' occasions.

I never know what I wanna do, what I can do or what I can look forward to. It's always this person's event, that person's plan. Instead of wasting time doing what others wanna do, I could have spend more time for myself. There ARE things I wanna do, places I wanna go, and plans I love to start on. If others wanna join me, hey I am cool! If not, my Life shouldn't come to a standstill either. Everyone have their own lifes, I should live mine too. Why should we shortchange ourselves juz becos no one share our passions/interests/plannings?

I am so looking forward to 2010! The thought of all the stuffs I will try to do is already making me excited. Nothing much to shout about though, but somehow knowing that I will try to do things with/for myself makes me happy. And being happy makes me wanna do more for myself! What a positive chain of thoughts, isn't it? *smile*

I am NOT trying to be a hermit or anti-social. I juz dun wanna to be another number, but I won't stop you being mine. Hah.