Inhibitions

Being yourself can be so difficult sometimes.

People judged you. People misunderstood you. People critized you.

I lost a buddy today. Maybe he was juz being himself and I judged him. Maybe he disappoints too much. Maybe I lost all tolerance for him. He gave up the friendship and I have to comply. Maybe I feel he is not worth savaging anymore. Anyway, all the best to you, Nic.

I dun think we ever wanna be alone, no matter how different everyone of us are, no matter whether u like the differences or not. I tried and hates being alone. What's the reason of existence anymore, if it's only you and yourself? So we alter, we change, we make ourselves to become what others would love us to be. So that we won't be alone. So that people likes you. You are not the fucker people detest. You are not the fucker people wag behind your back. You are not the fucker people try to avoid.

None of us are perfect.

It's so easy to victimise one, the worse of the lot, the scorn of the gang and make him the butt of jokes, the highlight of topics. Just because his mistakes are more obvious. Just because he is less than accomodating. Just because he has been quiet. Just because our own flaws haben been found out yet. Imagine the day when everything you do is deemed unacceptable by the gang. Nothing you do is right. You become the outcast. The exiled. Have you become a fucker too?

Hell no. You are just in the wrong company.

For everyone who hates you out there, there is someone who likes you juz as much. For being your fucking self. No one is totally right and you are not totally wrong. If all of us were to be stripped naked of inhibitions and juz express ourselves freely, trust me...everyone will be showing everyone the middle finger.

Incubus.

9:38 p.m.


I glanced at the digital clock on the dashboard as we were chatting. Fabian was picking up Nat from the airport. Slow and busy traffic agitated him. He was running slightly late. When the road opened up, he floored the accelerator and sped. We came to a red light at a junction near/in Changi. Some idiotic van driver cut across his lane to turn left, while on the middle lane. It was close. Fabian cursed in hokkien (he's french) and took off. I thought he seemed angry while negotiating the tight bend. I thought we were drifting. I thought I was getting closer to the pavement.

Fabian understeered and the white Hyundai Tuson mounted the kerb. I briefly saw this young gal juz managing to avoid us on the side road, while waiting to jaywalk across. I saw her fell, as a Yellow cab flew pass and crashed into the lamp post infront of us. A black Mercs ploughed  into the cab's rear. The 3rd car tried to avoid the gal but in vain, it's rear left wheel hitted her left shoulder. She was still sprawling when I saw her shoulder ball being pushed into her body and an awkward protusion appeared on her back. She became motionless. I heard more shattering noises behind and loud bangs.

In less than 3secs after the kerb-mounting, a whole series of events exploded around me. Fabian juz caused a chain collision. The silence was eerie. 10 secs after the accident, the world seemed to have stopped. Head throbbing and heart racing, I released my seat belt and stepped outside. The visual shocked me. Noises started flooding my ears and I heard cries. Cries of pain, cries for help, cries of despair. There must be like 8 cars in the chain collision, with 2 motorbikes...all compromised in different positions. The 4th car is smashed beyond recognition...it's driver slumped over the steering. One bike broke into a few pieces. One car went into a tree truck. Some passengers must have fallen out from the 5th lorry. I saw twisted limbs. Bloodstains. Trapped drivers. Still bodies. And the right side of a toddler's shoes.

'...Putain de merde...' 

I turned and saw that Fabian was alrite. Sirens pierced our numbness. In a flash, medical workers appeared to assist victims, 2 civil-defense guys tried to pry open the door of the 4th car. Police officers started cordoning off the area. It was chaotic. One officer asked out loud for the owner of the white Hyundai. Then I remembered we had 2 pints of beer before the journey started. Fuck.

I opened my eyes to the soft hummings of my air-con. It was a terrible nightmare. So fucking vivid.



I can still feel the young gal staring at me.

Smoked me.

I would believe I am not a quitter. No matter how tough the preposition, I will always try and try till I get it. The only problem is...I haben really been trying alot of things to verify my claim.

I am lazy. So lazy that the mind always convince the body no particular thing is really worth trying. I wonder if life could have been any different now, if I had persisted with some of the more 'cause-worthy' pursuits. This apathetic mentality definitely have to be corrected if I dream of bigger success in life. For a start, to prove that I am not a quitter, I decided to quit smoking yesterday (pun not intended!).


But only for a good 10 hrs, 34 mins and 08 secs.


I drawn my next puff this morning. Life was simply beautiful, with dancing smoke caressing my lungs. 'Puufffff...hmm...relaxing...!!' Then the consciousness hit me. Fuck! I am a bloody quitter!! Discounting the fact that I was in a state of semi-consciousnesss for a good part of the 10 hrs, I only stayed smoke-free for like wat...only 2 hrs?? Shit.

Good sam : 'It's ok...u can always try again!!'

Bad sam   : 'Brudder!! Life is short mah! And we all die anyway ler!!'


Counting an average of 12 sticks a day, for the past 20 years (I started my virgin puff at 10 yrs O...), I have 'devoured' 86,400 ciggies already. Holy shit!! And this is juz a conservative figure! My lungs have their lifespans too, and I sorta freaked out a lit thinking what will be the final cut-off number. Or date. Suddenly I have this realisation; 'No wonder the models from ciggies' adverts are always young dudes or babes...'

None live long enough into their forties to do another.

I am 9 yrs away from 40, and at the rate I am smoking, Death might juz creep up faster than I tot. One fine day, I am going to pay for this harmful indulgence. Fuck, maybe it's already too late.

Better smoke more then. ~Kidding la.

MCP.

This abbreviation resonates with females, associated with males, endorsed by the male sexists, condemned by the feminists.

Male Chauvinist Pig
- a term used in the 1960s among feminists for men, usually with some power, who believed that men were superior and expressed that opinion freely in word and action.

- a man who is perceived as approving of an inferior status for women in society: a disparaging term.


Firstly, I need to reinstate that I DO NOT advocate Male chauvinism. In the event that I ever acted like one, it's only because the woman behaves like a feminist. What I am trying to explain here, is about having a balanced demeanor, towards each other. Ladies...You wanna be treated with equality and respect, yet expect him to stand up for you, lean on his shoulder, flush clogged pipes and change bulbs? Be a *smart woman. Being 'soft' isn't being weak. Men have huge egos that vapourise at the lightest of a woman's coos. Why try to be the man in the relationship? Men definitely dun wanna feel like they are humping another man...

*smart doesn't mean earning lots, behaving like a smart ass and making yr man looks hen-pecked.

I say, let the man be a man.

I believed Men generally appreciate and embrace the evolution of the modern woman. I dun mind my other half earning more than I do, I definitely dun mind doing household chores. I love my woman to be of equal standing, has a mind of her own, engage me in ocassional intellectual banterings, and holds herself well in the company of family and frens. She will always be my queen. Not king, but queen. We can't have 2 kings, can we?

I know there are some jackasses out there who think the world of their own masculinities. They view women as objects of desire, sex slaves, part-time maids to worse terms that I shall not mention. But dun let a few black sheeps stereotyped the whole flock. There are some males out there who love and treat their mates with respect. Likewise, there are also women who like bullying their men into submission. They want to dictate everything, makes their men do their biddings, control how much they spend, where they go, who to hang out with...heck! Some even blackmailed them with the lure of sex!! Why can't we work in unison and perform our primary roles instead? You and me are man and woman first, then other secondary duties. Be it whoever is a big shot, small shot, hot shot in your respective capacities, you dun bring that identities back to each other. We are a couple and we will take each other for what we are. You dun wan a Mike Tyson in your relationship, I dun need a 武则天 in mine too.

For whatever misgivings some of my buddies had affirmly and wrongly accused me of, I am NOT an MCP and I do want a real, out and out, confident feminine form to be in love with any day. I might be loud, short-fused and opinionated, but I am not ridiculous or a double-standards bearer! We will adhere to the same set of rules and love each other on a level-playing field.

Juz dun try to wear my pants, ok?


It seems to me that a mutually beneficial relationship between a man and woman requires the man to be dominant. A sensible woman will allow the man to think he is.'

~Beryl Bainbridge'

If Pigs can fly.

If Pigs can fly...

I would be young,
I would be rich!
I would build stairways so high,
stars within my reach!

I would be bold,
I would have wings!
Be merry up in Heaven,
where angels sing!

But pigs don't fly,
they never will,
as fools will always be fools

Cos if they do,
(without redbulls!)
then all cows can sing too!



Pardon the pigs and cows, I just wanna be a little silly here. The incessant raining muz have gotten to me, making me drowsy and bored. Such wonderful weather have to be fully appreciated IN BED and not in the office. My bloody fone haben ring all day. Proxy-enabled server where FB, twitter, and MSN are blocked. No visits from any human forms in the boutique. FUcked. I feel like I am serving time. In a bloody suit.

I yawned 6 times in the past 2 mins and I am trying to keep myself awake. By blogging. I not a pig lover, and pork is my least preferred meat. I tot by writing about something unreal can make my imagination comes alive.

Nope, it didn't and I am tired as ever.

Then an amusing thought struck me. The day pigs really start flying...we would be thankful if we are hit by birds' poo. Imagine getting hit by a really big pig's dump. Eww.

Mood refreshed.

Q : Do you wat is Sam's fav food?
A : Err...pocked-chop?


I tried to start this post with a witty joke but if you didn't get it, too bad. (Ok..maybe U hav to see me in person to appreciate this self-deprecating joke. I have pockmarks which can fracture a mosquito's legs. I am Serious.)

After 3 days of excruciating toture and absolute boredom, the virus is clearing and I am feeling lots better. Less the blocked nose. I am dying for a KTV session, 3 pints of beer and a lung-bursting run. Maybe with adequate rest, my mood did brightened up a little. Or maybe it's the cough syrup. Whatever it is, this fool is good for another bout of fight till the next mood swing strikes again.

I realised when you dwell too long on the sticky situations in Life, you fuck yrself up. Either resolve it or leave it, but never, never sits on it. It is detrimental to one's physical, mental and emotional health. Once you allow yrself to hang around too long, you get suck into it and  frustrations manifest. It's a vicious cycle; the angrier you are, the harder it is to break free. Pessimism sets in and depression hits you. Which MIGHT eventually leads to suicidal thoughts and even...Death.

I am thankful that my upbringing and school of thoughts casted a safety net of caution before I dive too low to recover. I am constantly amazed by this inner strength of self-reasoning, and logical sense always prevails. I might free-fall and hit rock bottom, but my net will bounces me back up just before breaking point. Maybe one day this net might tears but till then, I am still in one lumpy piece. ;)

I know Sam is such a whinner at times. But the day Sam stops whinning, is when he gives up on Life. To those who consoled, shared, advised and gave their time to me, thanx a mil!! All haben been futile. I might not have responded postively but I am listening. And I will learn. Pardon my fiery temperaments and nonsensical rantings, for I can be such a joy to be around with too. I know you guys heart me as much as I heart you!

'I am lonely, broke, sad and fat!
Then again, who isn't? At least one of tat!
Still, I get my mama's pat,
while those buds will watch my back!'

Rebooted and running on safe mode.  Tomorrow will be a better day *smile*

Stupid is what stupid does.

I am so sick. And I deserved it.

It's really stupid to abuse my own health. And I dun even know for wat. Drank like silly, smoked like silly and feeling really silly now. God. I feel so awful. Fucked. Blocked nose, blocked ears, blocked throat and a blockhead. Why do I even bother? Now who bother about me? Silly silly sam. SIgh.SOb.*cough cough...

Bloody year is ending. Wat a lousy 2009! Definitely a year to be forgotton!

~Sam

'I want to clear those debts. Buy a car. Be independent. Do music. My life will NOT be revolving peeps who are there only when they are lonely. Fucked. Do lonely people also flocked together like birds do? I dun wanna to listen to anymore cock and bull stories, and I dun need to tell others mine too. I dun wanna feel upset for issues, people, situations that don't concern me!!!...'  ~ Bad Sam

I will be alone. On my own. Listen to my inner voices and I will be so fucked. ~ Sam

Narrator ~ This is what happens everyday. Good Sam and Bad Sam will be quarrelling with each other. Sometimes Bad Sam is on MC and there will be inner peace. But never for too long. GS is too idealistic and BS is too frustrated. Sam is perpectually upset and BS will rub it in, manifesting every little single things. GS needs reinforcements. His influence is depleting real fast. But how? GS can't perk Sam up, and Sam is sinking.
                   ...........................................................................................................................

'How? How? How?'
GS rolled up his sleeves. He is going to face this. Head on.

GS : '..hi..

BS glanced and turned away.

GS : '...HI..EXcuse me..'

BS : ' ..ya SIMI???..'

GS : ' well..regarding Sam, do you think ..?'

BS : 'Why wHY WHY??? U HAV PROB AH??'

GS : 'Erm..no..but u know he has been abusing himself and the last thing WE want is for him to..'

BS : 'TO TO TO!! U scare he will die ah?? KNN!! AND WAT SO GREAT ABOUT LIVING ANYWAY??? I DIDN'T FORCE HIM WAT, I ONLY TOLD HIM LIFE SIBEY SUX THAT'S ALL!!'

GS : '..I am not blaming you or Sam. er..I mean..I know he is having some dificulties sorting out stuffs..but it's getting way too..too..'

BS : 'TOO TOO! TOO TOO! U THINK HP RING TONE AH?? KNN TO U LAH! YOU DUN COME AND TOO TOO HERE OR TOO TOO THERE WITH ME OK!! IF U CAN HELP HIM, WHY DIDN'T U?? CB!! U THINK I ALSO VERY HAPPY MEH?? AT LEAST LIM PEK TELL HIM MY OPINIONS, NOT LIKE YOU!! SIMI LIFE WILL BE BETTER LA, CHEER UP LA...FUCKING WASTE OF TIME!! ISN'T HE HAPPIER NOW LOSING HIMSELF AND LETTING GO??'

GS : '.well..I dun think he is any happier ..infact he look like he is going bonkers anytime. Very unstable and unpredictable now...like a volcano waiting to erupt..I think we better...'

BS : 'U BETTER DUN TINK, LET ME TEL U!! HE DUN ERUPT, LIM PEK ALSO WILL ERUPT. KNN!! TOK SO MUCH KOK IN THE END ALSO JUZ TOK AND TOK!! CAN'T U SEE SAM BERY TULAN U OREDI MEH?? WAT LOVE, HOPE AND FAITH..KNN LIM PEK PUI!!! PLS LAH OK..DUN TELL HIM FAKE TINGS AND AFFECT HIS BRAIN OK!! U OREDI SAY UNTABLE STILL WAN TO KA JIAO HIM, KNN!! LATER HE REALI GO AND DIE, YOU AND I ALSO JIALAT!!

GS : 'But I can feel he is reaching out for help...I can see he wants to be happy..'

BS : 'hOW U SEE??'

GS : 'Just listen. Listen to him...'

BS : ' I DUN HEAR ANYTHING LER...'

GS : 'You have to feel it brother...you also have too much angst within..just let go...surely this is not what you really want to be?'

BS : 'KNN! IF EVERYTHING SOON SOON, LIM PEK MA MAI ANGRY, TIO BOH??

GS : 'Ok..then what exactly are you upset about?'

BS : 'WA MM JAI'

GS : ' You Dunno?'

BS : 'Ya..'

GS : 'And you get so frustrated but yet you dunno??'

BS : 'Yalah. I am juz tulan la.'

GS : 'With?'

BS : 'Myshelf la.'

Silence. *Deep Breath*

GS : 'Okay..can we have an agreement?'

BS : 'Wat?'

GS : 'Can You do some damage control?'

BS : 'Like how?'

GS : 'Like letting me tell him how he is blessed to hav his mum and his 2 siblings loving him, how he is gifted in other areas and...'

BS : 'Wa..knn..U like asking a lot wor..'

GS : 'But you dun wan him to die rite?'

BS : 'Of coz mai!!'

GS : 'GOod. Then do it for Sam. Let us do it for SAM.'

BS : 'Like tat can meh?'

GS : 'No harm trying brother!' *smile*

BS : 'Ok lor...Steadee! Dun say I no give face!'

GS : 'GOOD! End of the day, you also dun wanna be labeled 'Bad Sam', rite?

BS : 'KNN! Then U oredi called 'GOOD SAM' liao, lim pek also boh pian mah..'

GS : 'Well...there's always other names u can use..'

BS : 'Simi simi???'

GS : 'wa ma mm jai...'

BS : 'KNN!!'


to be continued...

A beautiful mind.

'What was he thinking?'
'IS he implying something...?'
'Why did she do that?'
'..that look/smile/posture....?'
'What does she means?'
'...maybe I think too much...did I?'

Sounds familiar?

I wish I am a mind-reader. To establish inferences in the absence of substantial evidences, hidden motives and intented misleads is a critical human skill.

'Mind reading enables us to negotiate, compete, cooperate, and achieve emotional closeness with others. It lets us figure out when we're being manipulated or seduced. It's how we know when someone finds our jokes hilarious or is humoring us out of politeness. Mind-reading ability is perhaps the most urgent element of social intelligence.'  - Psychology Today

Some do it better than others but none will ever achieve a 100% 'empathic accuracy'. Who wants to be read like an open book? I choose the people I wanna open up to, I withhold certain emotions and thoughts to negotiate a leverage. I am not lying, only concealing. Sometimes even with closed ones. For everyone of us, our minds are either our foremost of motives or our last line of defence. I am exasperated at times, second-guessing others' intentions. The play on possibilities within one's head is mind-boggling, and causes many hair-tugging moments. Then again, this beautiful gift could be double-edged. Imagine having the power to know everybody's mind. Including the strangers on the street. I dun think I am ready for tat. From '..this guy is quite cute..', to '...eewww look at his pockmarked complexion!!!..' You cannot filter or control the things you can 'read'...and I haben even go into more explicit or degrading remarks yet. I definitely dun wan to be told I am ugly 10 times a day.

Maybe better logical sense should prevail instead, and allow us to be guided by better morals, integrity and rationale. My ex-commander used to tell us, if one guy thinks tat u are a bastard, maybe it's personal. But when the whole platoon thinks u ARe a bastard, most likely u are. *A special mention for Mr. M here. Though he took abit longer than usual, he finally agreed to snip his ugly, frizzly, rebonded hair after much prompting from his buddies. Hey Mr. M! Cut or no cut, we still love u. But thanks for making the job easier! :-)

Since I can't read minds, I should juz mind my own business. End of the day, we are all entitled to our own opinions and until he/she chooses to divulge, keep guessing! Some people are just that little harder to read. Maybe they r lost in 2 minds? Maybe they have an intent in mind? Or maybe they mind?

Heh. I hope you dun mind.

About Love.

*sidetracked* I came across this interesting term 'Limerence' coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov. And I wonder how many of us are like that.

Love has became a loosely-affirmed word for anything or everything that invokes any sense of liking, to the extent that when we DO love, we have to emphasize our love with additional words like ' I REALLY love him!..' , '...do you love her SERIOUSLY?...' and '..I think I have found my TRUE love!' So when is love fake then? Who is faking love?

My mentor once said, ' Love is love. Just that.'

Could it be the lack of confidence, uncertainty or dishonesty in Love,  that make one needs to reinforce his/her love with such verbal proclaimation?

Love shouldn't even be spoken. I dun start loving someone juz becos she says 'I love u' many times. (this dun applies if you are jessica alba, angelina jolie, jennifer aniston ..etc..) Love is an act of bonding, a display of affection and a concern for each other's well-being. It is best felt, not said. It might be subtle but the traces are there. Feel it. Sweet nothings are juz the dessert, actions ARE the main course. If words do matter so much, Shakespeare would have been one of the biggest lover of all time. (Hmm. But then again he is ugly so...)

I have absolutely nothing against people who lovessss peppering their declaration of love with words that contrived to convince. Heck, I am also a culprit! Like when S told me he REALLY loves J, I believed him. I m SERIOUS. Really.


Cos he said the same thing for the last one too.



'Where Love is spoken, it's uncomfirmed.
When Love is given, it's affirmed.' ~ Sam G

Dun phunk with my heart.

We were all young and bold once, and we couldn't care hoots about consequences. I miss those days. Misdeeds are mostly forgiven, heartbreaks easily forgotten. Love and friendships come as quickly as they go.

Age made a wiser me. It sharpened my judgements, mellowed my temperament, hardened my heart and took away my balls. Life is such, it never comes in a complete package (...at least balls are still intact). The change in basics of my physical attributes and personality traits make me a different man, but not necessarily a better man. According to current research, the real you is ever-evolving. Not only will we see a difference on our 'outsides' (beer bellies, sagging breasts, rebonded receding hairlines etc. etc.), our 'insides' are constantly changing too.

No wonder sometimes, I dunno who or what I am.

Those days of being wild are over. Fatigue is a normality, with darker eye rings and expanding waistline. Getting a second glance is a privilege, teenagers addressing you as 'Uncle/Aunty' is a norm and married frens are slowly catching up with single ones. Only my dear Mama still think I am a kid. I behave better (some will not think so...), more composed, more cynical and less idealistic, less trying.

Still, there is a child in all of us...that little corner where we always believe in dreams, love and hope. I might not love with abundance anymore, but I craved to be loved juz as much. Love me for what I am, love me for what I am not.

If not, leave me alone.

Mama & me

My mum always think I am the smartest kid in the family. The laziest, but also the smartest. You know mum being mum la, she would have think tat I am more handsome than Andy Lau...(ok, ok my mum is not blind)

When I played my first tv jingle on the little Casio keyboard at 3 yrs O, my mum tot I was a music prodigy. A quick enrollment to Yamaha followed and few sessions later, I dropped out of the course. When I drew the first Transformers character, she tot I was a budding Picasso in the making. I was enrolled and I dropped out too. Computer course...enrolled and dropped out. Swimming...enrolled and dropped out. Piano lessons...enrolled and dropped out....and again... and again...

As you can see, it became a routine and formed the blueprint for the first 20 yrs of my life. I was in and out for a few more various courses until my mum realised, I am TOO old to be a prodigy. My younger brother of 7 yrs difference took over that role shortly after. To justify her decision, I even dropped out of school.

To be fair, I never did too badly in all those pursuits. I juz never excelled. Good enough, but not the best. Maybe I never lasted long enough to master any of those. On 2nd tots, it seemed I never last long enough in anything. Always a Jack, master of none. Is there anything I wanted so badly before that I will trade in a limb or leg for it? Well...I would love to do music as a career, relocate to Taiwan, marry a woman who loves me wholeheartedly and bear me 2 beautiful daughters...erm, think I will need more than one limb for all these.

Though I am no high-flying yuppie with all the Cs, I haben fared too badly I guessed. I have a decent job which pays me decent dough to sustain a carefree lifestyle. But this is not what I desire. And everyday I wonder why am I still doing what I am doing. Too much thoughts and no actions. The mileage I clock from thinking, I think I can fly to the moon already.

Sometimes I wish I hav a lit more sense of urgency, maybe I can achieve so much more. I am juz never too bothered. The only 2 times I snap into action is when I need my ciggies or when I need to shit. Damnz. Procrastination is not only a thief of Time...it's my best fren. This world is complicated manz. Some wise man said 'If it's meant to be, it will be'....the next moment it's 'U r what U wanna be'. I am confused.

Sigh. Hoped my mama dun die too soon, so that I can always be more handsome than Andy Lau. Ha.

Changes

Q : What's worse than eating shit?
A : To eat it another time.


'There's nothing that is a more certain sign of insanity than to do the same thing over and over and expect the results to be different' ~ Albert Einstein


I know Mr. Einstein is more refined here with his wonderful quote. I am juz trying to project a more 'visual' feel to his sentiment. Humans are 'comfort' creatures. We slog and strive so that we can be in our comfort zone. There's nothing wrong with this zone. But many a times, after we reach there, we become complacent and fear to tread on any further. We become stagnant, mundane...to the point of fearing for changes. All of us understand changes might be better or can be worse, but most choose to settle on 'now'. What can be worse off than 'now'?

Lots in fact. If your current situation is already not 'good' to begin with.


By staying put, we are actually making the situation worse. By not seeking the unknowns, we will never know. Staying still is only good when u dun wan the barber to snip yr ear OR aiming a perfect drop into the loo. It won't alleviate your issues or dissolve your unhappiness. To be fair, everyone is trying with their small, little ways. I say you are not trying hard enough. Some are worse; they keep repeating their 'recipes for failures' when they already know it doesn't work at all. Do yourself a favour, pal. Dial +65-63892000. The guys there will try their best to help you.

Get up, get out and go get it! Take a breathe, take a step and plunge.

For if your life is already shitty, there's nothing much to lose anyway.

What constitutes Love?

Love. Did a search on Google and found some of these..

1.Biblical definition of love : Love bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things.


2.Dicitonary.com  : A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

3.XXX.com : Make all your darkest fantasies come true!!


Well. SO...sigh. Love seems to be used and abused in every contexts and aspects of Life nowadays. I think everyone needs love of some sorts. Motherly love, brotherly love, love from pets, love from anything. We crave for it so much, that some even start loving their own gender. I am not here to lament about the kinda of available 'love' out there (be it paid or not..), I juz wanna know why we love what we love.

Cos he is rich. She is hot. He is a hunk. Look at his wheels. Check out her boobs. ok...Maybe...I miss him. She is always there for me. He will never say no to me. There's no one else to love me already ler...

I still dunno.

Is there even a need for a reason at all? Love is just love.