To be entering a blog entry during working hours says a lot about the nature of my job.
Basically, I get paid to look good in a suit, read 2-3 different newspapers, serve occasionally and daydream everyday. Not that I am enjoying all this though. I felt wasted, looking at Time eating away my day slowly, without really enaging myself in any positive activities. My job might be the envy of some but trust me... it's not easy bumming around the workplace.
I am counting my lucky stars that in times like now, I am able to earn decent dough without much effort. And I do feel I am short-changing my employer. Without going into full elaboration on the politics, policies and red-tapes in this company, I crossed my heart that I did try to make every penny paid to me counts. After 15 months here, the fire have all but fizzled out. Along with increasing nonchalence and bulging waistline, boredom is slowly filling with disdain. I know it's time to move on.
But to where? to do what? and when?
This is a bad time to be living on dreams, passions and empty stomachs. For every self-justified causes in the light of searching for self-worth, I have to put food on the table. With gloomy headlines gracing any newspapers everyday, I have to think THRICE about taking risks. Is this an act of cowardice? Not very inline with my school of thoughts eh? For all my preaching about 'Money is Evil'...I have fallen into the very path I hate to tread. Idealists will tell me I always have a choice. But do we really have one?
The struggle within is staggering and it's getting harder keeping the balancing act. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I just wish I never have to open them again. In that few hours of suspended consciousness, I might not be at my merriest but unhappiness is definitely at its furthest.
Basically, I get paid to look good in a suit, read 2-3 different newspapers, serve occasionally and daydream everyday. Not that I am enjoying all this though. I felt wasted, looking at Time eating away my day slowly, without really enaging myself in any positive activities. My job might be the envy of some but trust me... it's not easy bumming around the workplace.
I am counting my lucky stars that in times like now, I am able to earn decent dough without much effort. And I do feel I am short-changing my employer. Without going into full elaboration on the politics, policies and red-tapes in this company, I crossed my heart that I did try to make every penny paid to me counts. After 15 months here, the fire have all but fizzled out. Along with increasing nonchalence and bulging waistline, boredom is slowly filling with disdain. I know it's time to move on.
But to where? to do what? and when?
This is a bad time to be living on dreams, passions and empty stomachs. For every self-justified causes in the light of searching for self-worth, I have to put food on the table. With gloomy headlines gracing any newspapers everyday, I have to think THRICE about taking risks. Is this an act of cowardice? Not very inline with my school of thoughts eh? For all my preaching about 'Money is Evil'...I have fallen into the very path I hate to tread. Idealists will tell me I always have a choice. But do we really have one?
The struggle within is staggering and it's getting harder keeping the balancing act. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I just wish I never have to open them again. In that few hours of suspended consciousness, I might not be at my merriest but unhappiness is definitely at its furthest.
