Dream.

And my world is asleep, I presumed. Half a bottle of red and an inspirational movie later, I am in the mood for writing again.

I have been composing again, with 2..er..1 and a half song to boot for the past week. Recorded one, shown it to a few buds and feeling happy. Music is my dream, I would give one arm and leg juz to do it everyday. But maybe I am like any other normal guy on the street..realistic..and needing to put food on the table. Maybe I am feeling old too, and the dreaming starts becoming a lit more distance. But dreaming shouldn't have restrictions nor limitations. Dreaming is a part of Life. I never feel more alive living out my dream, abeit small-scaled, in my cosy room, on my beloved piano.

Tomorrow is another day, and everyday is a new day. Much as I am afraid and contradicting what I am going to preach in the sentences below, I dare everyone else to go out and dream! Maybe there's still a lit dreaming left within me, maybe the spirit didn't disappear totally. Well, I am making music again, however temporal that might be. And I am loving it!

Tonight..opps (it's morning!!) ...TODAY, I am a dreamer. And I hope you will be one too. GO Go! :D

p/s: I did a video of an old composition for a buddy as a b'day gift somewhere in Dec. AND HE JUZ POSTED IT ON FACEBOOK!!!

Yea. Dream. What a bad dream.

Will you strike me if I show you my middle finger?

If there is really a GOD, I hope everytime I look up to heaven, he can tell me what the fuck is going on. But no. I seriously dun think there is a GOD up there looking out for every one of us. Seriously, how much bullshit prayers can he listen to everyday and watch everyone's back? Good and evil, yes. Retribution and karma, yes. GOd? Heh.

Watch this brilliant standup act by George Carlin, shared with me by M, who I believe have also flashed his middle finger at the 'higher power' more than a few times. (We can't beat HIM everytime, bro! Not when He is not even there in the first place.)

We dun need anyone to tell us to do good and I think basic human rationale should govern us well enough. Unless you are warped, perverted or juz plain outright evil, then no fundamental common senses could have any bearings on you. I dun pray to GOD and ask for things, cos I dun blame him when I dun get them. I work for it. My mum kicks my ass when I screw up or the local legal jurisdiction takes care of me when I run afoul of laws, not GOD. He dun pay my bills, he dun give me food and he dun provide me with medical services, a home or holidays. In fact, he wants our donations so that he can keep on decorating his beautiful home called HEAVEN. Hmm. You think he accepts credit cards too?

I have nothing against peeps with faith and choose to indulge their beliefs in any GODs. It's your choice and you live with it. If your God is watching your back, well good for you! If not, change to another! There's so many to choose from, you always have time to find the right one! (I've heard different heavens have got different themes to cater to different folks! It's not easy finding believers nowadays!)

Show me a GOD in all his almighty gloriousness and I will show you ET. I believe I get punch by any ramdom stranger for flashing my middle finger faster than any GOD can inflicit his lightning bolt on me. I juz flashed 3 times towards the sky. Try it.                       

How do u kill yourself?

I got knocked out for 16 hours.

There were no recollection of previous night's activity, no memory of the things I have done or said, no idea how I managed to drag myself home. I woke up very dehydrated, with a bad hangover and still impaired judgement. Brusied right knuckles, sore right thumb, cut fourth finger, and a swollen left knee. I remembered vaguely trashing up some tables, chairs and signboard. I was pissed at something or someone. A stranger stared at my madness and I am too wasted to even drew out his face. I swayed and stumbled. I breathed hard and mumbled. I vomitted.

I opened my eyes to see 8:35 pm on the table clock. I saw numerous missed calls and msgs on the mobile. I felt like I was dying. I could have died.

Enough, Sam. Enough.