The (Ugly?) truth of Happiness.

I have an insatiable hunger for blissfulness...mainly becoz, I am rather deprived of it.

It's so astoundingly hard to feel unbridled happiness, makes my heart even fonder of such occurence, to the extent of even trying to bring little joy to others. A nonchalant act of randomness might juz means so much to someone, even though there is so little empathy for it. I am not consciously being nice or benevolent...but the obsession for that one lacking emotion drives me to search, understand and attempt to 'create' happy moments, however short-lived they might be. Of coz notwithstanding the fact tat bringing happiness, is also gratifying for both parties.

Maybe a lit foolish and distorted, but having the 'know-how' to bring bliss, I can reenact bliss again and again (?). I dunno... this is an unproportionate equation somehow. I believe you have to be happy first and foremost, then WILLINGLY (unconsiously?) pass it on to be deemed fit of 'unbirdled' joy. To purposefully make someone happy at the expense of one's own happiness (or vice versa) defeats the whole significance of 'being happy' somehow. But there aren't many instances when ALL are 100% happy in a situation...so happiness is a selfish emotion?

(I paused and pondered for a few minutes)

I think 'being happy' is selfish to an extent. When it's not self-gratifying, people are mostly apathetic or less empathetic to your happy state. E.g. :-

1. You are broke, I lend u money, I became broke, u r happy, I am not.
2. I obliged your invitation, you are happy, I am not.
3. I do your job, you get the credit, you are happy, I am not.
4. You have a new gf/toy/interest to contend with, you are happy, your ignored frens are not.
5. You shared stories on your wonderful life, my life sux, you are happy, I am not.
6. You got a face I would love to punch, I will be happy, I am sure you are not. Heh.


So when we say 'we wanna be happy', we actually mean we wanna be happy for ourselves only. When we say 'we are happy for you', it actually a polite formality since your 'happiness' doesn't really affect/concern/involve us.

Hmm. Do you still wanna be happy?