Sometimes I dun understand.

At 32 yrs of age, I dun understand why I am none the wiser.

I see mates from secondary school days during Terry's wedding. I dun know what had happened before, but it felt good seeing everyone again. It was awkward to an extent, but I was received rather warmly, as if I never really left. And then there was S, someone I have known since 7. Is it me and me only, that something weird, disquieting but yet intimate seems to hang in the air everytime I see you?

One more single man of the list, one lesser comrade, one more reason to wonder. Everyone would have bet their last dollar on me being one of the first few to get hitched years back. Fast forward to today, I am still one of the last men left hanging. Looking at peeps and peers settling down and having babies, I do sometimes, envy their progession of responsbilites. I dun purposefully swing, nor do I have an unrealistic criterials for a prospective partner...but somehow Cupid eludes me. If he is running out of arrows, I hope he make some soon enough, before the heart gets stale and cold from prolonged isolation.

6 years left unfulfiled can be detrimental to one's emotional and physical well-being. I have mates who have had it longer, perhaps not victimized by decisions but rather, the culprit of choices. I dunno if I plotted my own demise in a wonderful relationship...maybe Fate decided that we had expired each other's duration together and snipped the line of affection. I wonder what could have been. And I think I can only wonder from then on.

I heard my dad left for China months back, with his new love. Now we are even further apart than what we already are. Much as the relationship was tarnished, he is still my father. And one day, if I am a father myself, I dun hope my son to distance himself from me too. How many more years does he have, before this son addresses him as one again? Do we always need Death to remind us how precious it is, everyone that we should be cherishing?

If work is love and we all loves what we are doing, seriously, this world will be in a financial and economical turmoil. Not everyone has that good fortune to be doing their desired occupations. I was not there by choice, but I was not never shortchanged in the way the journey had penned out till date. We look outside and complain how the rest had have it better. Maybe true for some, but not everybody. EVERYone envy Somebody else's life. I dream of writing, producing music every god damn day, but whether I actually do it or not, well..let's see. A hungry stomach can't really fulfil dreams, isn't it?

Maybe the writings are in the stars, maybe everything is predestined, maybe the best is yet to come. I dun know, I dun understand. And I believe I will be none the wiser too, when I grasp my last breath.