When it's time to go, you go.

2 years since last gym workout. 6 months since last run. 8 years since last dentist's visit. Never had a full body checkup.

And I tot I was immortal.

The body has been voicing out signs of disapproval about my less than desired lifestyle for awhile now. Flabby thighs, saggy biceps, pouchy waistline, decaying teeth, wrinkles and a headful of obvious whites... I dread to see what the an x-ray film can show on the inside and I cringe at the thought of a dying body. No, I am not dying yet (I am not really sure at this junction...) but at the rate I am going, I can't be too far off already (NOT with my indulgence in alcholic pleasures and chain-puffing).

I have been feeling some sort of cardiovasular discomfort this recent months. Sometimes the pain bites on so intensely, I tot my heart is ripping thru to get out. And I am starting to take notice. Subtle signs of numbness at the fingers, breathlessness and giddy spells dun exactly portray a healthy man.

Hypothetically-speaking, I am 'only' 32 and still 'too young' for any major medical concerns. I believe I am too young to die, too strong to be sick and too early to be concerned. And I also believe this thought itself, is the first big obstacle to changing my frivolous attitude towards physical health. No one likes to believe they can be gravely ill, requires medical treatment or attention. 'This cannot be happening to me, rite?

Wrong. Maybe it is already happening.

By the time, the pain or symptons are so unbearable and evident...we could be too late in salvaging the situation. I googled briefly on this pervasive 'it won't happen to me' belief in humans and read some very interesting articles. Some labeled this 'state of denial' or 'the ostrich mentality'. What we can't see or dunno, we ignore. Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. What is even more damning, is when we purposeful challenge ourselves to further engage in the exact habits or activities to substantiate this perverse belief.

Like how I allow myself 3 sticks of ciggies while writing this post, in 20 mins.

In my act of defiance against peeps who are more critical of my unhealthy vices, I always rebutted them with 'But we all die someday' reply. Some retorted with 'But you dun have to make it faster'. A few added '...UNLESS YOU SERIOUSLY WANT TO...'

If I really want to, I would have use more conventional means which are really FASTER, u idiot. But thanks for the 'heads up' anyway! I will consciously watch myself and try to outlive my mum and you. And watch yourself too! I have heard when God decides to flicker off your flame, he can do it while you are crossing the road, swimming in the pool or even when you are eating.

I seriously suggest we all stay home and rot.