Reality check.

I spend quite alot of time alone now. I am definitely broke. I puff more. I dun call out as often. I drank more too. Tummy is big. I play lotsa piano. I sing. I slack. I dun think too much, nor too far. I am waiting.

I am not blogging as often as I like, cos I dun wanna to be writing about all my frustrations everytime. I tried to write a few times and I gave up. I didn't really want to sit down and ponder about my situation and pen them all out in cyberspace. Perhaps sitting alone in my cosy room, with ciggies and wine, is very condusive for writing. And it's quieter at night too. Maybe I dun wan people to know my updates thru here, maybe I am tired to sort out my tots, maybe I have enough of incessant bashings about others. I am one sore, angry and lonely man...and naturally I dun think I have lots of nice things to write.

But this is my space. I write to heal myself. I sprout nonsensical, illogical, angry stuffs here so that I dun channel my anger onto the world out there. This is my outlet for release. Dun judge me here, dun be affected by my words, dun jump to conclusions. I am juz being me, coming to peace with myself. And I will not filter, mince my thoughts juz becos I know there are people who know me personally, reading my blog.

I dun think I am losing it or giving up. I am allowing myself to live precariously cos I want some time to assess myself. I am Sam and a very prideful aries man. Only my closest see my times of helplessness. And I know this won't be too long. I am affected by recent happenings, disappointed by the harshness of the real world and angry with those selfish ones with no empathy for another. But I still uphold my faith and beliefs. And I will live my life as I deem fit, while you live yours. Yang said I should have a healthy dosage of realism to partner my idealistic progession in life. Advice heeded, my bro. Sam will forgive those who prejudged, belittled and ostracized him. But Sam will not forget. Justice will be served according, I assure you.

One fine day, when we all have to stand in the face of Death, you will realise how indifferent we actually are. Go on, chase your dreams! Consolidate your wealth, grab the latest blings, taste the finest wines and drive the fanciest cars! We all have the right to believe, to busk in our moments of inconsequentialities, to feed ourselves with our own agendas, and think that this is what our lifes are all about. Sooner or later, we will stand before the firing squad of Death and when the trigger is pulled, I hope your reflection on Life will not be too painful. Go on, chase your dreams! For we only live once!

I am no Judge Dread but I really can't be bothered with you people anymore. Happy? Good for you! Sad? your problem! I apologise for my newfound selfishness! Isn't this how we should all be? Flooding others with tales of personal gratifications, achievements, sadness and happenings? Oh please!! Who genuinely bothers? They are either thankful they are not as fucked up like you OR envious that you took the bigger pie in Life! Anyway good peeps die young! Hah!

'With power, comes responsibilty'

I heard this from the 'Spiderman" movie. What bullshit! Everyone juz want more, bigger, better now! Who cares about those in need? You ask anyone better off than you, to spilt whatever they have equally with you, and I am sure you are going to get the middle finger. I worked hard for it ok..I deserved it ok...I am borned with it ok...blah blah blah...You ask the same people to spilt with those who are better off than them? Oh of coz! Why not??

See? Ugly, ugly humans. Humanity is a lost clause. Reality is the new king!

What are the values of living now? Simple.

Money = Life
Money + Status = Good life
Money + Status + Fame = Woooo! THis is LIFE!!!

No money? Work harder, work your ass off! Or marry a rich man/woman! Buy lottery! Do illegal stuffs! Sell your soul! Oh, having a rich dad helps too ok!

No status? Find money first (from the options above) then furnish yourself with the blings blings and dings dings! Distance yourself from the losers!

No fame? Achieve the 2 key points above and fame will follows!

Who cares how you do it as long as you did it, rite??

Ha. So this is what Life is about. Pardon my ignorance!