Loving me, before loving you.

I am sitting in my regular joint, looking at my pint of erdinger. All alone.

Being alone is an acquired taste. It takes a while getting used to and a lot of sanity to stay calm. Alone? Spending time with myself? God. It's like trying to find out ways to stay engaged in the situation, justifying reasons to hang a little while longer and not getting bored. WITH MYSELF. As if I am one interesting character with tales to last the night. I can't be telling stories to myself rite? Not when I already know those stories. Oh! I can't stand being with myself! Such a bore! Smoke and drink in silence, acting all pathetic and lonely. What the hell.

Actually it's not all bad.

No more accomodating. No more obliging. No more pretending. You dun care when, why, what, where or how. You want to, you juz do it. No one to bother you, no one to judge you, no one to tell you wat to do. You juz be comfortable with you and yourself. When can you afford such luxury of zero pretense juz by being alone? Such liberation is hard to come by, seriously.

Maybe I have to learn being on my own. To be at ease, to be at peace with myself first, before I can even be with another. Maybe this is learning to enjoy my own company, to love and appreciate myself, before I can do the same for another. Maybe I need to be alone now, so that I won't be alone again.

Maybe.