Jealousy

Like an assassin, it strikes when you are least prepared.

How does Jealousy come about? According to Wikipedia, it's a state of fear or suspicion of losing something or someone important. What caused that fear then? Too much love for that someone or something?

I am always disgusted with myself AFTER each jealousy-induced storms. I turned into this ridiculous, uncontrollable freak and coupled with my very legendary temper, it's a devastating formula for ugly situations. I loses all sense of logic and reasoning, and hurt the very person that I love. I couldn't deduce a way to prevent this negative emotion yet, but sometimes 'forced ignorance' works.

But I can't ignore everytime. I am too sensitive and observant not to detect a dead rat. Not when you love someone so much anyway. Who doesn't wanna know EVERYTHING about wat your other half is doing/thinking/planning etc.? I know somethings are better left unsaid/unturned/undisturbed...if only 2 person are so telepathic that they will only let out what each other wanna hear or know. Shit happens when less than desired information to my ears seep out one way or another. Another out-of-proportion combustion happens again, another green-eyed transformation. One more needless fight. Sigh.

In my calmer state of mind (which doesn't happen very often though...), I rationalise as if I am the most decorated specialist in any given field. I am always nice, until pissed. Problem is, I get pissed way too easily (so I am seldom nice?..hmm...). I am starting to suspect I might have the same medical condition as Incredible Hulk, as we both react adversely each time we are pissed. I swear my eyes do turn green and I can see smoke from my nostrils sometimes. But at least, I dun swell in size and tear my shirt or pants.

Given that my missus is less than expressive with her thoughts, it's a laborious effort trying to smolder my rage by pacifying/justifying/reasoning. I have learnt to back off alittle and I hope she can understand the root of this jealousy everytime, however much ridiculous I am. Thankfully, Love always prevail so far and we will be all lovey-dovey again, till the next bout surface.

Then really, what is love without jealousy?




P/s : Come to think of it, the Hulk must be a fucking jealous monster. How else do you explain the green?