It's always you against the world.

I always have this question...'What is everybody thinking rite now?'

I feel myself. I breathe, I walk, I pinch myself and there is pain. I feel alive. But thru my eyes, looking at others around me, I can't feel them.

'Are they even alive?'

They could all be walking bodies for all I know. Souless, mindless, careless.

Sometimes there is no relevance nor resonance in their doings. I wonder, I justify, I condone, I lament. But I can't see the real truth behind their faces. I can only try to relate, understand or empathetise. But I am not them. I can't feel their exact sentiments.

Most likely, I choose to believe in good faith, that watever they claimed, is true.

For we all have our own lives to oblige with, and until our paths are crossed or destinies are entwined, basically we have nothing much to do with or against each other. I am wat I am, and I believe I am as revered as I am much hated. I can't please everyone, I can only hope everyone is pleased with me.

I am not perfect, and so are you. We should be more forgiving, and less self-righteous about others' 'misdeeds' against ourselves. Seriously, it's juz a matter of opinions.

End of the day, it's about whether you bother to look at mine too.


*A note to you

I remembered dedicating a lengthy post elaborating any misunderstanding you could have derived while reading my penned tots. I could have not bother, but I did. By a stroke of fate, I found your new virtual diary and decided to remain a faithful follower. It was definitely a memorable day for you, and you have had your best time with the one who matters. I am not pissed, nor screaming injustice at your closet dissing. It's your personal space and I totally respect that. If my memory did not fail me, you replied enthusiastically to my wishes for you. All I wanna state is, given everybody's predicaments anytime, your personal living dun takes precedence over others and vice versa. I apologise for not keeping a promise, due to the factual truth of being penniless. It was sweet of you then on my occassion and I remember! I also remember my hospitality towards you when you graced my boutique. I am not being calculative, nor is this tit for tat. If our frenship is worth juz $2, I say we can both give tat a pass.

Frenship, like love, strive for the distance. There will be so many more celebrations to come, but how many people can remember them with you?

Happy b'day.

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

I totally heart this. Hope it inspires all of us.

We always leave, the way we came.

The boy who came to see the world,
saw his life slowly unfurled,
to the gales of Destiny moving on,
till breaths became so forlorn,
when he bided his last goodbyes,
only Death never, ever dies.

A face for different places.

I tot maybe it's time to get real and get out.
I tot maybe I finally exhausted the diligence to write.
I tot maybe I can finally put this blog to rest and give my brain a well-deserved break.

I stopped cos I have too much to share, I came back cos there are no where else to do so. When everyone else is so preoccupied with their own shits, only me can give myself the fullest attention. A drink, a fag, a cozy chair and ample time to ponder, is all I need to unwind. It muz be the reflection I caught of myself today, that face which reminded my eyes that this is the most familiar face they have ever seen. A face that conceals the channel of tots in the head, a face that deny the waves of emotions in the heart, a face which constantly hides the truth about the man.

The man and his face, albeit pimpled, pock-marked one, is mine. And how tat face flatter to deceive!

For tat innocuous smile does not portray my despair of living a life so contaminated by reality. For that whiff of aloofness or nonchalance does not convey my exact sentiments. For what you see, is not always what I am.

I am becoming a recluse behind tat face...and dwelling behind the mask of a face to contain my detachment towards Life. You are but juz a face from the many. You are juz a face, not THE face. They think you are wat you are, from your surface. You can't be wat you wanna be, in their faces.

Why bother and who bothers?

Everyone stare more at their own faces, before looking at yours.

The beauty of simplicity, indeed.

That was a long time ago, isn't it?
The void left behind...hollowed out by our differences, took away the last ounce of belief I once had, that love will conquer all. Love succumbed to reality and got replaced by tangibles. Love got moderated with progession and dropped few notches down priority. Love got misinterpreted and liberated expectations.

And then Love, is never the same again.

The days of unbridled innocence, coupled with the desire to be happy together, are the sweetest moments we shared. The beauty of simplicity, indeed.

Things changed. People changed. We changed. Or we all tot so.
In actual fact, nothing changes.

We are juz hardened by layers of our past and chose to move into the present.

Nothing changes. It's juz the choices we make.

It's only words.

I think everyone loves a good/funny/tot-invoking quote every now and then.

'I never get jealous when i see my ex girlfriend with their new boyfriend , because my mum always taught me to give away my used toy to someone that is less fortunate'

'Love is not blind. Lovers are.'

'When you are single, all you see are happy couples. When you are committed, you see happy singles.'

I love words. The articulation of thoughts thru beautiful words always amazes me. These people...they might not be the most eloquent of us nor have the best constructed sentences but Wham! Bang! Their choices of words go right thru your heart, stir up emotions and make you nod in silent acknowledgement.

Not all great writers are great thinkers. But great thinkers have the best words.

I hate the lack of interactive communication nowadays. All the 'haha', ;) or OMG are as dead as the cold bodies lying in graves. Words are so casually abused, sometimes it's more like a concealment of the actual sentiments (or lack of) being felt. You dun need to have the capacity for big vocabs or perfect grammatical ability everytime. You only have to express truthfully with the simplest words to derive closest to tat emotion. Any feature of words to falsely/wrongly denotes your intention is 'literal prostitution'. In a world of 'Shakespearean bureaucracy' you would have been hanged. Many times.

I am blessed to be able to express myself adeptly with words, given my lack of academia education. But I still pride myself as a better communicator than 'writer'. Real-time interaction is still imperative to building relationships and conveying tots. Words are only meant to supplement or complement your actions.

Write, only when you have more to add. Other than that, speak up or act on it.

The pen might be mightier than the sword, but the make of a man is not measured by how much he dispenses words.

How do you know you are in love?

How do you know you are in love?

Love is becoming convenient nowadays. And cheap. May everyone of you find someone who really loves you for being you.

To whom it may concern

I struggled to convince myself I should be writing, maybe juz alit bit, juz to keep the post date jumping. And I am still struggling with what to write.

Hmm.

Becoz there are too many random tots to string together with relevance, becoz I dun wish to dwell on some of them and be bothered, becoz some things are better off not being mentioned. Ok, let's see how far I can go from here by 'free wheeling'.

Some things NEVER change, isn't it? Juz like your precarious choice of living. Juz like how I still hang around you, who seriously dun deserve much empathy from me. Cos I wanna save a 'fallen soul'? Cos I own you a living? Or am I juz a bloody idiot for letting you disappointing me over and over again? Maybe I still have some faith in you..maybe I dun believe a man can be so fallible...maybe I believe you can be better than what you are now. Maybe I am juz too blinded by good faith. You are right, I am hesitant about you. Your doings have left me with so much disdain, my trust in you has waivered. You are like the boy who cried wolf...many, many times. You are thinning my tolerance. And you know, once I cut you off, you will never have a chance to come back. Ever. This is the last time I m writing about/to you. Buck up and help yrself, bro.

And you, have left me so perplexed by your inexplicable behaviour, you make me resist having any form of interaction. Damn if I do, damn if I dun too...well damned me then. Till now, I still dun understand what have I done, when I have done nothing to you. I bear no intention of ANY sorts, grudges or malice against you. My name has became so sensitive to mention in your presence among our 'mutual frens', I actually feel rather ostracised by them. They actually have to conceal harmless facts juz to to prevent your groundless speculation!? GOd. I totally resent that. Look, I have no reason to dislike you and if I have nothing to say to you, it's becos I REALLY have nothing to say to you! I dun remember even being nasty/rude/sarcastic to you for once. We are still frens if you choose to be one, and things will be like before. Or you can take what I have written in the wrong way, be pissed and explode. Your choice.

Do I have to wield my rights and authority, be cold and nasty, before you guys have the decent sense to do and behave accordingly? I regard you like peers so that you dun dread coming to work or find me unapproachable. We can have fun together but We all have our roles to play, so PLEASE do what is required and expected of you, NO MORE NO LESS!! Please refrain from taking my silence as an endorsement for your antics. I am watching and I wanna see how long more you wanna stretch my patience. Trust me when I have to tell you off, it's not going to be nice. You are not going to like it, and I dun wish to do it either. But you can try me.

I am not your ATM. I am not a saint. I do have my flaws. I drink and make merry like you. I can be happier. I should think lesser. I know what I am doing. I know I am not always right. I dun need a reason. I dun need to answer to you. I am juz being myself. I dun need you to like or agree with me. I can agree to disagree. I care too much. I have never tot of harming/hurting/belittling/condemning anyone. I am juz trying to be a better man. And I am answerable to everything I did, going to do, have done.

So juz be answerable for yours too.

And my dear family, if this son/brother has more options in Life, I would really spread more love and concern to you. Pardon me. There's never a day that goes by when I wish I could have done so much more. But cross my heart, none of you will ever be left out of sight and I will lay down my life for everyone of you. Anytime.
I own you a dinner and I intend to get it done. But I am passive...ok I am LAZY. But I will definitely see you. I couldn't make more time for you. And I think I shouldn't too. I hope to see you doing better and better with time. I will be so happy for you :)

I am sorry for believing that you will never be unhappy. I love your words, the occassional mails and I know you are looking out for me. I will be your pillar of strength whenever you need one! Bear with my occassional disappearing acts, my infrequent msgs, my lack of empathy towards you. You are a dear mate. I am always a call away ;)

Mama! Your b'day and lunar b'day is on the same day this year, exactly like the year you were borned!! I would have plan a big bash if I wasn't so broke...what would you like to have mama?

All my buddies yo....where the hell have all of you been.....*echo...*echo....sigh. Good times dun last eh?

ANd I need to wake up at 830am. FML. Yawnz.

I am not done..but kaoz. That's alot for a post.

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In a perfect world.

In a perfect world, there have to be imprefections...no?

If everything is perfectly alrite, then 'perfection' is a constant and no longer a perception, where and how do you conclude perfection?

Truth be told, I am nowhere near perfect, juz as everyone else isn't too. Nothing and no one can be perfect, and differences allows us to justify our own benchmark for perfections. The mark of perfection also have a shell life, till the bar is yet, raised again.

You can't be perfect, perfecter or perfectest. You juz wanna be the best of that moment, for once. Most can't, with that honour going to a very privileged few. And even that handful can fail to live up to that label again.

1. iphone is the most iconic product of this century!! So is iphone 3. So is iphone 4.
2. V is the most beautiful woman I ever met!! (Before X, Y, Z...)
3. Beginning - I will give anything to have that perfect woman with me!!
    When together - Tat woman is perfect for me!!
    Ending - She was perfect when I gave her everything. FML.

Why do we even bother about perfection then.

In a BETTER world, maybe there is only one gender, with perfectly similar physical attributes, personality, characteristics and love/eat/shit/live perfectly the same way. And all will be named say...John.

John 1 : Hey! Looking good John!
John 2: I know! Look like you too, John!
John 3: Look at us, Johns! We love being Johns!!

Hah. Makes perfect sense, no?